I'm abroad and have been for 4 years, doing my masters and working. I've an older sister and brother. My mum had kidney failure and BP. we held off dialysis by controlling her diet and getting meds from India. But when COVID hit we couldn't get meds from India anymore. She was up and down, good and not so good. She complained of pain and I didn't take it too seriously I think, I felt like she would get better. Encouraging her to be positive. Our last conversation wasn't so pleasant. She wanted me to go home. I would have loved to but then no one could afford her medical bills. I had to be here to be able to pay for them. A week later she fell into a coma. A week after she passed away. I didn't cry much initially. It was so surreal. I watched the funeral online and not a tear fell from my eyes. I had the most amazing and supportive community here but still I felt like I wasn't processing my emotions properly. Today, I've cried like I've never cried before in my entire life...almost two months later. I thought we had time. I didn't get a chance to tell her one last time that I loved her. Now I feel so broken, so angry at myself. I feel like a piece of me has died with her and I can't quite seem to process my emotions properly.
Hi there. We have very similar stories. Except I am an only child living abroad. My mother died shortly after her birthday and all she could do on her birthday was basically yell at me on the phone because she was in so much pain. She entered the hospital shortly after that at and I never got to talk to her again. I flew home but she died when I was in midair and I never got to say goodbye in person. (I did tell her all the loving things I would have said over the phone.) I spent the first two weeks in "action mode" dealing with bureaucracy and my father, who has dementia. Now I feel like a zombie. Like you, I feel like a piece of me has died and I lack motivation for anything.
