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Seeking advice for feelings of guilt.

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by floral, Dec 20, 2021.

  1. floral

    floral New Member

    Hello, everyone. My name is Holly. I just joined, hoping to connect with others & additionally, provide support for others just the same.

    I haven’t experienced a loss just yet, but my best friend & someone I love more than anything has brain cancer. No one can say how much time he has left, so my grief is more anticipatory. Still, I have mostly been alone with my feelings as I don’t have a supportive family & my other closest friend can’t provide the advice I need on the matter for personal reasons.

    How can I manage feelings of guilt? For example: I feel extreme guilt for doing something as simple as watching a movie while knowing my best friend is in the hospital, trying to recover. Does anyone have some advice? I’m trying to be my best self. Of course, I want to be my best self in his final days & it goes without saying that he needs that of me.

    But these feelings of extreme guilt interfere with everything in my life. As I’m sure everyone can empathize, I don’t think any of this is fair to him & that if I could take all of this away from him, I would do it in a heartbeat. He is an artist & has so much to give the world with his gifts & talents.

    I would like to extend the offer that I’m here for anyone, should they need me. I would love to hear stories of your loved ones. I’m sure I would’ve loved to have met every one of them, too.

    Thank you in advance.
     
  2. Artie Stein

    Artie Stein New Member

     
  3. Artie Stein

    Artie Stein New Member

    Hi Holly
    I feel your pain.
    I just lost my wife very recently from Pancreatic Cancer.
    I am devastated.
     
  4. floral

    floral New Member

    Hi, Artie. I’m so sorry about your wife. Please know you’re never alone & I would like to extend the offer that I’m here should you need me. I’d love to hear stories about her. I’m sure she was so wonderful.
     
  5. Movingforwardforyou

    Movingforwardforyou New Member

    Hi Holly,
    I’m so sorry to hear about your friend and what you’re going through. While I can’t relate completely, I do understand your feelings of guilt. My husband died about 8 months ago, and I’m very stuck in my grieving due to extreme guilt. I find it hard to do any of the things that he enjoyed doing, and get so upset with myself when I find myself having a good time :-(

    I received some advice from my therapist that I’m still trying to wrap my head around, but I thought I’d share it with you! He asked me if my husband would want me to feel the way I do. Obviously I don’t think he would want me to feel this way and not be happy, but I’ve had to consciously remind myself that Andrew would want me to be happy. I think as humans we tend to punish ourselves with these kind of tactics. But it’s much easier said than done to not feel these moments of guilt.

    I’ve decided to be my husband’s legacy and complete some of the things he felt really passionate about. This has brought me a lot of comfort and has helped me with some of the guilt. If I’m walking on the beach, I picture him and think of it as WE are walking on the beach. You said your friend is an artist and has a lot to share with the world. Maybe you can help him share his work. That’s the beautiful thing about art. It’s an amazing legacy that usually outlives it’s artist and impacts generations.

    If you ever need to chat, feel free to reach out! And remember, when you find yourself struggling because you’re enjoying something that your friend can’t enjoy, remember he would want you to be happy and enjoy it for him.
     
    markbeth likes this.