Let me 1st say that I am 9 years out from my g/fs passing after being together for almost 32 years. Ok, now that is out of the way, I found that part of "moving forward" is reinventing our lives. A few weeks before she passed, Arlene and I were in her room in her nursing/rehab facility (she spent 15 of her last 30 months in one medical facility or another). and we saw Paula Deen on tv. We agreed that we'd go to Savannah to eat in her restaurant. She never made it. So after a few months (I was still recovering from Hurricane Sandy) I drove to Savannah, stopping at the Bull Run battlefield because I'm a history nerd and I had an ancestor fight there. I made the trip for both of us. The trip was theraputic, the food amazing and walking around Savannah I had the thought that Arlene would have loved the city, a week wouldn't have been enough there. And yes, I got emotional, how could I not? That was the beginning of me making a bucket list. I drove to Montreal to see a hockey game in Canada and fell in love with Poutine, its heavenly. I flew to California to see my brother's family, we missed my neice's little girl stage because me being long term unemployed and Arlene's illness. I made what I call my Hall of Fame trip, drove to Cleveland to see an Indians game, visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and see the house where the movie A Christmas Story was filmed. From there I drove to Canton to visit the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Then I drove home. I made a trip that was the top of my bucket list, I flew to New Orleans, I have always loved that music and food. I was in heaven. I took the swamp tour and held a baby alligator. He behaved himself because I told him I ate his momma the night before, could have been true, I DID have alligator on Frenchman Street the night before. I looked at a map and realized that the only state on the east coast was Vermont. So i made a quick trip to Battleboro in one day, scratch that off the list. Road trips are awesome, highly recommended, open windows, music crapped up to the max. it doesnt get better than that. I also did some things here. I went to Rhinebeck Aerodrone and flew in an open cockpit biplane I ziplined I went to the Long Island aquarium and went into a cage was lowered into a tank with sharks. Then things started breaking in my almost 100 year old house. so I didnt have trip money...but I did have concert money. I have always been a blues fan, and I was looking at videos on youtube and in the comments, they kept mentioning a young performer named Samantha Fish, I looked at videos and my mouth drust DROPPED! She is amazing, why don't we hear more about her instead of the here today, gone tomorrow pop acts that the media forces on us? That led me to about a dozen other artists, most of them young and now have a bucket list of them that I want to see, I'm about halfway thru it, and buckets are refillable. The best part of seeing them is, a small venue, not a car payment to see them, and you get a meet and greet with the artist along with a picture and an autograph. Its more satisfying than sitting a million miles away in a big venue and watching a video screen. I also got into jazz, and I NEVER would have done that had Arlene been here. Its very relaxing. So after all of these things, I am not the same person that I was on 6/10/15 3:55 pm. How could I be? I swore to myself that I would never crawl into a hole or a bottle like my father did after my mom passed. I was going to scream, curse, rant, vent and cry (my tears could fill the Grand Canyon). But I was going to own this new life as a widower, and not run away from it. This life isn't for feint hearted people and we have to be warriors, because otherwise, it will us, and that cannot happen. Thank you for indulging me.
When all of this was happening, I really didn't know that I was reinventing myself. It all just evolved
None of us are the same person we were before we suffered a great loss of someone we loved so dearly. It changes us and we have to learn to adjust to this new way of life which lies before us. I am glad you have found some outlets for your strong feelings of loss. It is a hard road to walk. I know, I lost my beautiful son, Shawn, and it is only by the help and grace of God that I have survived this suicide. God is my strength and I knew he was the only one who could really help me-and thank God he did. It was a very slow recovery but I just kept waiting on God knowing he would carry me through this, and He did. He is a wonderful, kind, loving God and we are priviledged to know Him. God bless you as you travel you new life's path. Chris
