Recently lost my nephew

This past Monday, my nephew was killed in a tragic car accident. I am finding it impossible to reconcile this. I am currently on bereavement from work and not sure if I can even find the strength to go to the funeral which has not been planned yet. They are waiting for his mom to be out of the hospital. I am having constant anxiety and guilt over the idea that I might not be physically/mentally/spiritually able to attend. I don't know what to do and I am praying to God alot and when I'm not I'm talking to my nephew in my mind. I struggle with guilt that I know he would want me to be happy. He lived with me from 0-5 and was was very close. He was only 13. I know in my heart that he lives on but its hurting so much to think how much potential he had. He had all my good qualities with none of my bad qualities. As I write this, tears stream down my face. I feel so abandoned by God in my heart but in my mind I know that is not making sense. I remain faithful. I've lost my urge to do anything I loved because most of it I shared in one way or another with him. For example, I see something I like and the first thing that comes to mind is I wanted to share it with him. I find myself not wanting any good things to happen because I can't share it with him. I know I must go on and I know that suicide isn't an option for faith reason but find the rest of my life to be a sentence and not a blessing. I don't know where I am and the only solution I can think of is to reduce any goals and aspirations. God help my family! My only peace is that I got to know this beautiful child who will never get the chance to do so many things that I'm sure he would have done in life. I so much wanted to be that old guy that found happiness in his accomplishments. Now I just wish I was much older so it would be closer to the time that we are reunited.

 

Hello, I've just read your heartbreaking post and I was close to tears. How can fate be so cruel, taking away a beautiful, innocent life so tragically. I have no words to express my sadness for you and for all your family. I know this may sound meaningless and useless, but please be strong for his mum when she leaves the hospital, you all need each other so much now. Your nephew will always be with you, even if not physically, love never dies, you and your family will be comforted as you go on, with the "feeling" that he is still a part of your lives, only in a different way. This is how my children and I manage to keep going, after suddenly, prematurely losing my husband three years ago. I am on the "Loss of Spouse" topic.

Sending you and your family strength and comfort, and may God cherish your little angel.

Rose.

 

Steve, My heart breaks for you. I can feel your pain and loss through your words. What an awesome uncle. The love you gave Christopher must have made him feel so lucky to have you. And I know you felt that same luck to have him in your life. Like Rose already mentioned, Christopher will always be a part of you. He’s not physically with you you but he’s in your heart to stay. I lost my husband Ron almost 5 years ago. And I became paralyzed with the thought of living and being alone. Unsure that I could do anything and felt a strong hatred for God for taking what means the most to me. However in time I have God back in my life and I’m still here. I honor Ron each day and try to be strong for him. Ron has become my inspiration and I get stronger with each day. Ron is why I’m still here and trying to live life. I still need him to be proud I’m his wife. Your loss is very recent and things seem impossible right now. Your nephew was taken way too soon. Try to honor him. Use the love you shared with him to help you get through. I find getting fresh air helps me keep moving. Get fresh air every day even if it’s just stepping outside and seeing nature, it helps. I pray for Christopher’s Mom and that she makes a full recovery and that she can find the strength to keep moving, in the honor of her son.
Visit this site often, sharing your thoughts and stories are very helpful. Please take care of yourself, Christopher would want you to.
Sending you a hug. I think you could use one. Robin

 

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I hope this doesn't sound awful, but one consolation, as my husband said, is knowing he will not have to suffer all the pain this life seems to bring with it.
God loves your nephew even more than you. He does things for our good and I believe this has spared your nephew from much heartache.
Take care of yourself and continue to communicate your feelings here, because everyone here has had a painful loss and understands what you are feeling.

 

Thank you. I need all the positivity and positive thoughts I can get...

 

I know it seems impossible that you can bear this heavy burden, but you can. I know from my own experience that what seems hopeless, is still possible with God.
Don't give up hope for yourself and for your life. When a little light begins to break through again, you will want your health. Please take good care of yourself.