To TGW, our GIC "family," One of my neighbor's called me this afternoon to apologize for not being able to put the license plate on my new car. He told me it would have to wait until tomorrow because his wife was in the local ER. I immediately said, "F" the plate!!! I told him I'm here to help them get through this in any way I possibly can. I told him I would pray for his wife... Both the husband and wife are two of the most generous, kind people, who I've ever met. From the moment they knew Bob was sick, to the moment they found out Bob died, and most recently, heard about my car accident, they have been here for me. There is no way I can put into words how much this couple means to me. When Bob first got sick, they used to visit often, the husband taking him to play golf, even when he was so weak, he couldn't play any longer. Bob just loved being on the golf course, riding in that cart. When Bob was strong enough to sit outside, our neighbor would pull up a chair, and the two of them would talk for hours... about everything and nothing at all, but they used to like sharing stories from Bob's days in the Navy, his days in the Air Force. As Bob's health rapidly spiraled downward, our neighbor mowed our yard, did all of the household maintenance that Bob used to do, many times fixing something without even mentioning it. He and his wife are very active members in our community. They shop for and prepare weekly meals at their church for anyone in need of a meal. One of our neighbors had a stroke a few years back and can no longer drive. There isn't any public transportation where we live. Our next door neighbors have been taking him to do his weekly grocery shopping, pick up scripts, etc, etc. etc... Every once in awhile they take him out for lunch, figuring a change of scenery is always good. The amazing thing is that my neighbors are in their early eighties, but you would never know it!!! They have more energy than people half their age. The wife was diagnosed with cancer soon after Bob's health began rapidly declining. For over three years, her blood work and check ups have been good, she hasn't had to begin chemo. Just recently, she started taking a short afternoon nap. My heart is breaking for not only the wife, but for the husband too. I know, as so many of us know, what it's like to spend hours waiting in a hospital ER, in that cold..., drab..., miserable environment, the piped in cheesy holiday music this time of year, only making things even worse... As if anyone waiting for news concerning a loved one, gives a "F!!!" about the artificial piped in cheerfulness. I wish so much I could have gone to that ER with him, it's breaking my heart that he's waiting all alone... Please say a prayer for both the husband and wife. I know all of our prayers are being heard... It would be appreciated more than I can ever express in words... As always, sending you lots of love and hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Dear Deb, I am so sorry for your neighbour, sending you well wishes and praying she will be alright. Hope to hear some good news from you. Rose.
Deb, I'm right there , praying to God, along with Rose. I'm sure other Grief Warriors will join us. Your kind neighbors have always been there for you, and now, we are all here for them. Lou
Thank you to Rose, Lou, to everyone who read this, who prayed for my friend and her husband. All those prayers were heard, and I'm grateful for every one of them. However, God decided it was her time to leave earth. She passed away yesterday. I'm very grateful she didn't suffer for very long, that's she's now at peace... It would be greatly appreciated if you would keep her husband in your prayers... I'm worried he might die of a broken heart... They were inseparable for so many years..., doing mostly everything together, but on days when they weren't together, they always made sure they were together for meals. Her husband has said more than once, that he doesn't want to be here without her. Hearing him say this breaks my heart, but I "get" it. As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Deb, I felt the same way as your good widower friend, & didn't care if I lived or died, after Linda went away ( a polite way of saying she died). I had to seek psychiatric help bc I was very alone. However , your neighbor has family and friends, like you, to help keep him "trucking", as Gary says...... Lou
Dear Deb, I'm so sorry to hear that your neighbour has passed. Sending you and your neighbour's husband comfort and we all relate to what he's going through right now. Send him hugs and strength on our behalf. Wishing you a good night's sleep (I've just recently got up, as usual too early, 5.30am),and a peaceful day. Rose.
Lou, I just wanted to share a thought that came to my mind. When you and Gary use this very meaningful and appropriate expression: "Keep on trucking'", you remind me of a 70s/80s TV series I used to love, called " BJ and the Bear". The honking of the truck is a sign to the rest of the world that we are all hanging in there, getting along on our journey, fighting all obstacles and living our life in honor of our lost loved ones, keeping them alive through us.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I will keep her family in my prayers. I will also keep you in my prayers as her friend.
Rose, woke up in the middle of the night, and saw you talking with KLovinggood, about the death of her husband, Andy. Being the pain in the ass ( PITA, as our friend , Deb says), I praised her for being brave to say Andy's name, but asked for her first name ( her user name, like many others on GIC, is a mouthful ! ). You made me chuckle when you referred to the TV show, which sounded vaguely familiar. I have to give my brother, Gary, full credit for his "Keep on trucking" phrase. Thank you, as always , for reaching out to me, when I wokeup briefly in the middle of the night. Now I can go back to sleep, after seeing you & Nicole ( "Sweetcole") welcome a relatively new member. Lou
Thank you Rose for comparing one of our mantras “keep on trucking” to the BJ and the Bear tv show. I envisioned the monkey blasting the semi horn right next to my ear HONK! The message was WAKE UP GARY! I have not been trucking well. I’ve been feeling a dull sadness and lack of motivation for a couple weeks. Main reason is insomnia and side effects of sleep meds. The vision of the monkey honking wake up call got me some what going again. I spent 2 hours with my niece Laura and her mom and mom’s husband thanksgiving. While we were having fun playing euchre the topic shifted about people who had died and had cancer. One of the mom’s goals in life is to live to 100. I told her people can live with cancer and she said WELL I DON’T WANT TO GET IT. Mom thinks she is immortal. The cheesecake was good though. I was walking to the woods Saturday morning around a hour before sunrise to hunt. I always look for the star constellation Orion. according to Egyptian mythology the afterlife is in the Belt of Orion. As the Belt neared the western horizon it enlarges like the sun/moon does. I watched the red lights of an airplane pass near the Belt. It was like a message from my beloved Cheerful Cheryl telling me that she is ok. I enjoyed the hunting more. Gary
HI Gary, I'm sorry you've been feeling particularly sad and unmotivated recently. I understand about how your insomnia can disrupt your healing, or 'trucking' is probably a better word. It really is such a nuisance. I need to take meds in order to get at least 5/6 hours' sleep. In fact, here I am again, up since 5am, grateful that I can check in here and read my GW friends' posts. You all save my sanity, as Ive recently mentioned, you are my only friends now, apart from my family. I seem to have become an alien in the eyes of people who know me and knew my husband. I understand that they probably feel embarrassed and awkward, worrying that whatever they say may hurt me, but avoiding me hurts too. Then again, I have no wish to interact with them anyway, I prefer to stay at home where I feel my C closer to me, but I agree totally with this quote I read once: "If you mention my loved one's name, I may cry, but if you don't, you will break my heart". I got emotional when you talked about observing Orion's belt and how the plane passing by was a message from your Cheryl. Such a beautiful thought. In fact, I've started noticing Orion more now as during the winter months it's much brighter, of course when the sky is clear (rarely these days, keeps raining!) My C and I would often spend time in the evenings out in our yard, observing this constellation and noticing how we could amazingly see the belt so vividly at this time of year. This has triggered many other memories. Amongst other topics, he had a great passion for Ancient Egyptology, reading many books on the pyramids, Sphinx, and the debates on who, how, why, and particularly "when' they were actually constructed, and their meaningful alignment with the constellations. I'm so glad we managed to visit the pyramids, nearly twenty years ago, all four of us, when my children were much younger. We had a fantastic four days, my C had always wanted to make this trip, and I'm so relieved that at least he got to fulfil this great desire he had, before being suddenly, cruelly taken away from this world. Glad to hear you spent a good Thanksgiving day with your family. Let's continue listening out for Bear's honking. Wishing everyone a peaceful day. Rose
Rose, woke up at my usual 6:30 am, with 2 disturbing dreams. One dealt with 2 doctors assuring me about a medical procedure. I didn't trust one of them, bc it was Dr. Fauci ( whose face has been on the news lately). Strangely, the 2nd dream was more disturbing. I had crossed a street ( which I cross all the time) , carrying a package, when I realized I forgot Linda's cane, which has given me strength ,with her presence watching over me. I panicked, threw the package on the sidewalk, and ran frantically, in traffic,to go back to the spot I thought I had left it. I hope I wouldn't be that foolish, in real life, of risking getting hit by a car over that. If I ever lose Linda's cane, I would get another one just like it. I hope that someday you will sleep past 5am. I don't feel right if I don't get between 7 or 8 hours sleep a night. If I get less than that , I have to take a nap ( no more than a half hour) in the afternoon. I'm sorry you & Gary have been having troubles with sleeping. Lou
Gary, your conversation with Rose about your sign from Cheryl, was moving, as always. I answered Rose about the difficulty with sleep you've both been experiencing. Jonathan Santlofer, in his book,The Widower's Notebook, recounts his addiction to a certain sleeping pill after his wife, Joy, died suddenly in front of him. When Linda died in front of me, I couldn't sleep at all, until I was given over the counter Melatonin, which is nonaddictive,& relaxed me enough to sleep 4 hours. Still not great. With the help of a grief counselor, I was finally able to conquer the guilt I had for not doing enough to "save" Linda, when that was, of course, impossible. Lou
KLovinggood ( Karen), it's Tuesday morning , after 8am, and I finally read your long post of Andy's last horrific days on earth. Like CathyLynn, with whom I've "talked", I cried all the way through your unbelievably tragic story about Andy's suffering, but also,your guilt ( unjustified). I know only too well about guilt, bc I felt horrible guilt that I didn't do enough to "save" my wife, Linda. I needed to see a grief counselor about that guilt. After 4 years, the guilt has mostly gone away, but, like many here, I'd love to be able to have one more conversation with Linda, to hug her, and tell her I love her. Lou
Rose, I am impressed to know that you and your C watch Orion also. I’m also impressed your entire family made it to the pyramids. Cheryl and I are attracted to Native American mounds. The most special place was The Great Serpant Mound in Ohio and The effigy Mounds national Park in Iowa. The effigy mounds are in the shapes of bear, eagles, and deer. There is a local nature preserve we would frequent that has a small ceremonial mound too. At the Mounds State Park in Indiana at winter solstice the sunrise is in alignment with the center of the main mound and opposite it is a cave. The mound builders strategized the first rays would greet Mother Earth as she came out of the cave as daylight began to increase. I’m sorry you’re having sleep problems too. I made an appointment with a sleep doctor in December. I am going to see my healer to get tweaked again. This reminds me of another mantra of the grief warriors “stumble forward”. I feel lucky to be soaking up the sun as I write this. Gary
Gary, you should be a narrator for a documentary / travel film about our great land, with its' rich history of Native American art and culture. Lou
The Mounds State Park sounds very intriguing, Gary, It seems that you and your Cheryl loved to visit/explore mysterious places, just like me and my C used to do. Glad you are having sunny days, it seems we're heading for more rain later this week. Rose.
