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Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by csmith532, Oct 1, 2022.
Thank you. I agree this site is definitely good.
Great to hear from you, Chad! Also good to
hear you enjoyed the beach in Calif. It's
cooler fall weather in New England now.
Some trees have beautiful red, orange, &
yellow leaves. Other trees are bare, sadly,
due to windy, rainy days. Glad your sister
will visit the 29th. Will she stay through
Halloween ? That's big here. It falls on a
Monday, but will be celebrated Sunday,
My view of anniversaries is to celebrate
the birth dates of our soulmates, rather
than the death dates. Lou
Yes she will be here for about a week. I agree about birthdays. Me and Lizzy had some good memories and adventures on her birthday!
My sister calls the date of her daughter’s death an angelversary. That just might fit for Lizzy and the family from the way you recall her.
I like that idea. Thank you!
Glad you enjoyed the pics. Yes, we drive on the beach. Its so fun! It’s like a mini vacation. We go year round and stay in my daughters car when it’s cold and open the windows to feel the ocean air. I really wish you could join us. I’ve had a boat almost all of my life. I know you and C would love boating, fishing and crabbing. I have such wonderful memories of being on the water growing up and taking my kids. But now, we drive on the beach. And watch fishermen, surfers and see dolphins and seals. And the whale as you know. I’m glad you got to go in those beach vacations and live in such a beautiful area. Robin
Your sister is a very wise woman. What a very special, beautiful way, to think of such an over the top tragic event... I'm going to tell my next door neighbors about this post. One of their granddaughters died about five years ago. A couple of their friends bought them a tree, and planted it in their backyard in her memory... My neighbors are teary eyed whenever they think of her...
I hope when the next anniversary of their granddaughter's death arrives, they'll think of it as an angelversary... maybe being able to smile (just a little bit) through the tears...
As always, sending you and Maggie lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Been planning on running this 5k for a while. Lizzy loved all things with butterflies
Beautiful, thanks for sharing, Chad. Lizzy was
special. Run, with joy, in her memory. Lou
Lou, long time no see. I hope you have been doing well. I know I was struggling around the 1 year mark and I was making some pretty bad decisions. I want to thank you for encouring me to stop drinking. I ended up having a wake up call one night coming home from the bar, I missed my turn and ended up in the ditch. I was lucky in that I and no one else was hurt. But just thinking that I could have been the reason that someone else's love wasn't with them anymore was the scariest feeling I have had since Lizzy was in the hospital. I haven't been drinking for the past month and half and I have felt a lot better, even sleeping better. I know its still a short time but hopefully I can keep motivated to keep going. This group has probably saved my life in more ways than I even know. Hope everyone can find some peace.
Chad, thank you so much for replying to
me today. I was worried when we didn't
hear from you. Whenever I welcomed a
new member to GIC, I always said I have
THREE younger brothers: Gary, from
Indiana, George , from Illinois, and our
youngest, Chad, from Texas. As I've said
on here , I still cry ( & swear) every
morning , even after over 4 years, that
Linda is no longer physically with me.
But, her spirit is. Bc of balance issues,
I walk with her cane. It gives me comfort
that the cane was in her hand, and that
she's telling me to walk slowly across the
street. We've just had a snowstorm, but I
can't complain,bc George's greater
Chicago weather, with its' bonechilling
winds & more snow, is so much worse.
I'm proud of you, Chad, for giving up
drinking. Because alcohol is deceiving,
bc of a short term high, it is ultimately a
depressant. My wake up call was crying at
a bar, & nobody wanted to be around me.
Like you, I feel better physically, mentally,
and get more sleep. I still get sad every
morning, but that's only natural , after 25
years of marriage. Linda made me promise
to be healthy, try to be happy, and even to
find another woman. I'm not actively
seeking, and it's difficult in the winter,
but I'm open to another relationship, but
not marriage. Please try to keep in touch
George came out with funny nicknames
for us: Lombardo Da Vinci for him, bc he's
an artist , and Lobster Lou, Lousterino,
& other names for me. I call Karen, "Ms.
Hum", bc "hum" is one of her trademark
words. Karen calls Gary, the wilderness
man & hunter, Garbear. These funny
distractions are a needed break from our
daily grief. Lou
It's so hard when the only time you ever feel the least bit happy is when you are buzzed. The only time I'm remotely interested in anything is when I got buzzed but the afterwards depression and sickness keeps me from drinking. It's close to the two year mark for me since Valerie died and I feel like a total mess right now. I don't feel good about myself and I kinda hate everything lately. I know this is just a phase and it will get better but everything is so difficult to do!
George, The mark of another year is a very hard time leading up to and as it passes. That’s the hardest time of year for me. I relive everything that happened and ache head to toe. I know Lou tries to do the opposite and stick to celebrating Linda’s birthday or their wedding anniversary. I do too. But the date our lives came crashing down, I can’t ignore. It’s 4 years for both Lou and myself. I try to remember the happy times and life we had to help me get through. The happy memories are sad too though. You’re right. It is a phase. You’ll get through. TGW are here to help you. Robin
Robin, or as I like to call you, Summer,
I struggle every morning, & cry over
Linda. As I pointed out, it was in the
morning when I made coffee & breakfast,
and we'd have it together. Now, I like to
go out for breakfast. Today, I went to a
coffee shop with a couple, who were
high school sweethearts, married over
50 years. They asked how I met Linda,
& I told them, with a smile, no tears. But,
after they left, I felt the happy mixed
with sad , which you famously invented
when you greeted DEB & me over a year
I use Lizzy's butterfly tea cup everynight for the same reasons you listed for using Linda's cane. It's nice to have something like that they used. I have been really trying to focus on my health and work out regulary. I think that has also helped tremedously.
I definitely understand that sentiment, that is kind of the way I felt as well. It is so difficult when that’s the only thing you want to do even though I knew it would end up making everything worse. We can get through it though. I feel like we have all sort of survived going through hell, we can do some pretty hard things. The Grief Warriors indeed!
Chad,I'm so happy you're back on GIC.
Brother Gary sent you a message ,as
well. Amazingly, Patti ( who hasn't been
on here for quite a while) put a "LIKE"
on your 2 posts. I'm glad bc I was worried
about her, too. Even if she's not up to
posting, we know she's following us. It's
also good to see Brother George on here
with you. We're all in this grief journey
together. Brother Lou
Some Wednesday Art:
Hope you like them!
It's so true getting buzzed doesn't really help much in the long run. It is so hard during those desolate days when you kind of hate everything. I've had a lot of those lately. I just need to be patient and accept that it will pass.
Yay,Lombardo Da Vinci!I knew I could
depend on you to bring your bright
colors--5 of them!---to cheer us
Grief Warriors with winter blues on top
of grief. Thank you, BroGeo. You kept
your word for Wed Art Therapy. Just
hope Helena, from S.C., who used to join
you, is OK. Lousterino