Not sure what to title this

My significant other's father figure is in ICU now since yesterday. His real father passed but a month ago and my Mom also a month ago now and my brother last Feb. Today I was brought back to when my Mom was in ICU because Bob my SO's father figure is in the same hospital and same ICU. I normally would have gone right down there but I got a grief attack at the thought of walking back into that ICU again and my Mom not there. I would have to walk by the first room on the right where she was and then the first room on the left where she passed to be with God. I can still see it in my mind as I walked in there every day for 20 days while she was there. I struggle to use the word traumatized because I know that God heals me but that was a very traumatic experience for me to go through. I am feeling guilty now for not going to see Bob in the ICU tonight because I have this thing about people being in the hospital alone. Probably because that is a fear that I have of being in the hospital and no one comes. I am not his real daughter, but I also feel like this man has been like a father to me in many ways. He has been in a decline now for a while and last year before my brother and Mom passed, he was in the hospital, and I visited him numerous times back then. Now I can't or won't because just thinking about walking back in that hospital is bringing it all back to me. I have been remembering the ICU and my Mom all day, my brother was on the 7th floor and passed there also. I was doing good thinking forward and thinking of my MOM where she is now with God, and that she is in her spiritual body with my brother and father. Then bam life strikes again. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, I am going to try and stay on the spiritual beam. I am going to pray and ask God for strength if He wants me to walk through fear and go visit Bob or ask if it is really OK not to go and to take care of myself??? I don't think Bob is like awake anyway and my SO said it is ok not to go and that he is going to go tomorrow. He isn't pressuring me. It is all in me doing it to myself. So again, I am glad to type this out because it sorts things out and helps me. Hope and healing to
ALL. xoxo ~Heather

 

Hi Heather, sorry to hear about this new and complicating situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hospitals are tense and scary, most of us have a bit of ptsd from our experiences in the hospitals where we watched our beloveds suffered. Whenever I've had to make tough choices such as this, I try to always weigh my options and determine which, if any, will create future regret(s).

If I may, I'd like to offer up one alternative solution. Having worked in healthcare > 30 years, I've reminded families and loved ones that a person's hearing is the last sense to leave us. Most nursing staff, not all of course, are willing to hold a phone up to a patient's ear so that they can listen to a phone call. So instead of having to face all the other too-soon, too-raw emotions of going to that same ICU, you could just call and talk to Bob and let him know he's loved and how grateful you are to his love and care over the years. He'll hear you.

God will guide you to make the right decision.

Peace
~ Michael

 

Thank you Michael for offering this alternative solution. It can be a way for her to fulfill what she feels she needs to do and also to alleviate much guilt about not being able to go to him physically. It is much needed advice and I appreciate your care and concern for those who are grieving. You are very kind.
Chris

 

Thanks Michael, I did end up hearing Bob on the phone this morning and was able to tell him I love him, and he returned the love They had transferred him to Boston Mass General, so it was a different location all together thank you God. He isn't nearly in as critical condition as I thought! I think I was transferring or projecting what happened with my Mom and brother as if it would be the same for Bob. Which it could have easily been but thank fully it wasn't. When we arrived, he had great color on his face and actually looked really good. Remarkable. He was eating apple pie and able to talk even though just having a stroke 2 days ago. He will have a from what I understand minor surgery on Monday or Tuesday. I am so relieved. Thank you again Michael for being so kind you have no idea how much it means. xoxo ~Heather

 

I'm happy your heart has found some peace, and especially happy to hear that Bob is responding well to treatment > Mass General is the best!
Thank you for sharing your experience.

Love & prayers, always.
~ Michael

 

Chris, thank you for your kind words. Now that I'm nearing the two year mark of Edward's passing, I find myself in sort of a holding pattern. I don't feel the same need to speak about my early grief journey because God has Graced me with peace and a path forward - but I still have some tough days. I'm guided now to assist those that are in the stranglehold of early grief and desperation. We have been given the skills and strength to help our brothers and sisters here at GIC, so... that's what we'll continue to do. In my early grief days our GIC family helped me immensely.

Sending you love and strength.
~ Michael