I always want to know how people feel after they reach certain milestones in the loss of your spouse. I have not been on the site in a little while and now, I find it so hard to believe it’s been three years just a little bit over that. I wonder how people feel still at three years. From myself, there is still no peace. I still have no desire to meet another woman some people say just go out and have some coffee even that it’s not too appealing unless you have lost a spouse also probably just want to know how you are doing? People say, don’t be bitter, but I am, my wife said I don’t want you to be lost without me, but I know that you will, no truer words ever spoken. My mind goes back to the day she passed away I can’t get some of the images out of my mind the pain ,suffering ,with cancer does. Why did she have to go through that? Why was she cancer free for 13 months we were giving praise every time I talk to someone about what God has done for my wife and then the cancer come back and she’s going to six months. What the hell was that? All the questions of why, angry at God people say God never fails, but he did. I wasn’t praying for my wife to go to heaven. I knew that she would. I was praying that she would be healed. People will say she is healed. Yeah but she’s not here. That’s the healing I wanted. I know some people who have lost a spouse and have remarried in less than a year. What I say to that is you didn’t have a good marriage. I believe now this pain never, never goes away. I will always want her back. It was So unfair, and I know people who have lost their spouse at a younger age but how many have lost their spouse three months after you retired and never get to do the same to dream dub but you have to listen to others who get to live their dreams. You do everything right and this is your reward. I’ve rambled on probably too much but I’m very much interested how others are doing god bless all of you.