Hello, I found this group just this evening. My husband of 45 years passed away suddenly on June 15th , 2022 to a heart attack. We had been apart for 2 years as he was overseas when borders were closed due to Covid. He was due to return home at the end of June but was not feeling well. He saw a doctor who sent him for an angiogram., he died shortly after. It was a huge shock. My daughter and I traveled to the country he was in to deal with all the formalities. I was in shock and the only emotion I felt was extreme anger. For months I thought about our whole life together but still I felt angry. My daughter, who is a therapist suggested that I see someone so I spent 4 months pretending to grieve, or so it seems but I believe I was not ready for therapy so I just went through the ‘self care’ motions until it all felt like a waste of time. I handled all the legalities, dealt with his businesses and just worked for that whole first year. It is only recently that I have begun to miss him so much. I was offered a huge promotion at work but felt so lost about whether to accept it or not. This is something I would have discussed with him. I spent a sleepless night being frustrated and sad, anxious to the point where I kept thinking ‘tell me what to do’ over and over. Over the next 2 days, I began to feel at peace and accepted the promotion because I knew he would have told me to ‘go get ‘em’. Now I keep dreaming about him. The drams are all pretty similar. I arrive at a venue and as I am descending stairs, I can see him sitting alone at a table. I feel excited to see him but when I get to the table, he is not there. It makes me so incredibly sad that I am crying for the first time since he died. I realize this is part of grieving and I know grief never goes away. I guess I just need to talk to people who get it.