New Member - totally overwhelmed and exhausted

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by Em66, Nov 22, 2021.

  1. Em66

    Em66 New Member

    My Grandmother passed on 11/13, she was 97 years old.

    I feel so overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotional.

    Background: My parents are 78 years old and my Dad has dementia. Several months ago my Mom had several falls one needing an ER visit and one resulting in a broken shoulder. About a month after my Mom broke her shoulder, I was taking her some dinners and their laundry, when I called to see if they needed any groceries Mom told me that my Grandmother was being taken to the hospital. She was admitted and it was evident that she’d had a stroke. Then she started having TIAs (mini strokes). They sent her home. She lived in an apartment by herself and had an aid that would come every morning to help out. Well with the TIAs she needed around the clock care. We enlisted a couple of friends in the apartment to help and hired a night caregiver. But that did not cover all hours of the day. So my Mom and my aunt would take care of most of the afternoon and I would go every evening until the night help arrived. I work from home (computer geek) full time so I adjusted my schedule so I could be there by 4:30 and stay until 8. On Saturday nights I would spend the night as the night help was Monday- Friday only. As my Mom spent more time away my Dad’s dementia progressed rapidly. So, I asked my older brother (only sibling) to arrange for support for our Dad. He didn’t think he could; So he didn’t. Therefore I tried to cover more hours. My Grandmother was getting worse.

    Two weeks ago one of her stokes made her bed ridden. She could no longer do anything for herself. I found myself doing whatever it took to make her comfortable. When she was awake and could talk she would ask if she could just go home. Then on Saturday, 11/13 at 12:35 she passed. I wasn’t there, my aunt was with her and assures me that she went peacefully.

    I know she is at peace and no longer suffering. But my heart is broken into a million pieces and I am completely exhausted.
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  2. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for your loss and how overwhelmed with caring for others you have been and still are.
    I thought your comment about your mother being away from your father and how his dementia progressed rapidly was very interesting. I was away from my husband three days and two nights every week for a period of time, about 2 years, due to working conditions. He does not have dementia, but he began to fall into a deep depression and came to the point where all he wanted to do was sleep. When I was able to quit working, he began to come out of it very, very slowly. We don't realize how our companionship with those we love is so essential to their mental well being, especially if they have mentally-troubling conditions.
    Your family must be very close. You are so concerned with taking care of one another. That is wonderful. Don't forget about your own need for rest, relaxation, and companionship during all this. Neglecting yourself will have serious consequences on how you are able to help others. Call on God for the strength you so desperately need and take good care of yourself so you can continue to be available to help others. Try getting outside for a walk each day in the sunshine and fresh air. It helps a lot.
    May God bless, comfort, and help you through this very trying, exhausting time in your life.