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My own notion of grief

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by T.K., Feb 11, 2022.

  1. T.K.

    T.K. Member

    I thought it was a sad time that followed the death of someone you love.
    And that you had to push through it to get to the other side.
    But I am learning, there is no other side.
    There is no pushing through.
    But rather, there is absorption, adjustment, acceptance.
    And grief is not something you complete, but rather, you endure.
    Grief is not a task to finish and move on.
    But an element of yourself, an alteration of your being.
    A new way of seeing, a new definition of self.
     
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  2. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    T.K., so glad you are staying with us on
    GIC. So sorry that your wife died in
    Sept. It's so recent that your emotions are
    raw. I'm about your age. My wife, Linda,
    died suddenly 3 years ago. She was 68
    We were married 25 years. I sobbed
    every day in the beginning, & couldn't
    listen to any song without weeping. I miss
    Linda every day,& occasionally dream
    about her. I still choke up, but don't
    cry as intensely as I did before. May I
    ask your wife's name? I think it helps
    the healing of grief to say her name. Lou
     
    Patti 61 likes this.
  3. T.K.

    T.K. Member

    Hi
    Her name is Mary. We were to celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary in september.
    She just turned 70 august.
     
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  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you do much for answering me
    so quickly, T.K., & telling me Mary's
    name. You & I have a lot in common.
    Our wives were about the same age,
    & we were married about the same
    number of years. I'm the oldest of 4
    "brothers" on this site: Gary, from
    Indiana, George , from Illinois, Chad,
    from Texas. I see that you live in
    Missouri, which is a lot bigger than my
    state of Massachusetts. I live on the
    northern coast. I would be honored if
    you joined our brotherhood on GIC. Lou
     
  5. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    Hi TK, thank you for you’re posting, you’re words so express
    that which I felt, still feel since God called my husband Jack
    to Heaven. I know this is a journey which God will oversee, that
    I must travel till in in HIS timing HE calls me to Heaven and
    I am united with Jack. Sending prayers, hugs to all.
    Blessings, Patti
     
  6. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    T.K., I agree with Patti. Your words are
    so beautiful & true. Haven't seen you on
    GIC, for a while, and I'm glad you stayed
    with us. I recall "talking " with you. You
    & I are about the same age. Your wife,
    Mary, was about the same age, as Linda,
    who died suddenly at 68, over 3 years ago.
    We were married 25 years. Hope we can
    talk again. Lou
     
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  7. T.K.

    T.K. Member

    Thank you all so much..Like you all I still hanging in there. With the help of the Lord I had a funeral to do yesterday.
    Had a couple bumps but got through it. Pray that all of you are doing ok.
    God Bless
    T.K.
     
  8. csmith532

    csmith532 Well-Known Member

    This is such a true sentiment. Thank you for sharing.

    -Chad
     
  9. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Chad, good to see you on here this Sat.
    morning. It's almost 6:30am. I had a bad
    day of crying & grieving over Linda
    yesterday, starting with a dream I've had
    before that I was hugging her. I woke up
    crying when I was hugging myself. Part
    of the reason is that I turned the heat off
    at night ( it's so damn expensive now), and
    I was cold. I was disoriented, and reached
    out to TGW, like Bernadine, Robin, Deb, &
    our brothers, Gary & George. I was
    hoping to hear from you,too, Chad, but,
    as I just told Debra in California, we're in
    different time zones, so I understand.
    Massachusetts, where I live, seems like a
    different country from Texas. But, as an
    American, I read about Texas, California,
    Florida, & other states, bc Linda & I
    visited almost all of them, except Alaska &
    Hawaii. I'm glad you plan to visit California
    for a change of scenery, and a break from
    your routine. Brother Lou
     
  10. csmith532

    csmith532 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your reply Lou. I am sorry you had a rough go as of late. I had a dream similar to that before where you don't immediately realize they are gone when you wake. And the sadness and pain that comes when reality does set in. I haven't dreamt of Lizzy in a while and I don't know why. I apologize for being away just got caught up with school, work, and things. I got a letter from my Dr. the other day telling me that my healthy living is paying off and my liver was no longer showing signs of fatty liver disease and that they were proud of what I was doing. I cried deeply when I read that. Not out of joy or happiness but out of regret and guilt. What if I had made health a priority a year or two ago? Would that have made a difference? It was good to speak to you. Hope you have a good Saturday.

    -Chad
     
  11. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for your kind reply
    this am, Chad.I'm glad you're healthier
    now. I used to feel guilty that I felt fine,and
    Linda became ill. Now, I try to keep
    healthy, sticking to a regular sleeping,
    eating, and walking outside schedule.
    Day started out fine, with a pleasant fog
    over the ocean. As I told others here, I'm
    sitting in one of my favorite breakfast
    places, this one across from beach. It
    just started to rain heavily, so I'm in no
    hurry to walk outside. I'm getting on
    GIC & enjoying blues music in the
    restaurant. So far so good here. Hope
    you have a good one there. Lou
     
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  12. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Patti I am so glad to see your post. When I was thinking of Robin being gone I was thinking of you too. I apologize for not writing you sooner. I hope you are feeling better. I heard how long it takes to heal from the omicron. Your a very wise person and I know you’re making all the right moves. Please be patient with yourself. We love you. Gary
     
  13. csmith532

    csmith532 Well-Known Member

    I have started going for walks as well. Probably will even more as springs gets to full force. Not sure about during the summer though. It can get crazy hot here.
     
  14. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Chad, glad you're taking walks now, while
    you can. A lot of GW find that it is better
    than "staring at the 4 walls" in grief. I
    looked at the ocean waves yesterday, and
    it was a form of meditation, taking a
    break from mourning. Is there an air
    conditioned indoor track, or a mall, near
    you, where you can walk during the hot
    summer? Lou
     
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  15. csmith532

    csmith532 Well-Known Member

    Good idea. I will have to check and see if there is.

    -Chad
     
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  16. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Great, Chad. It would be more varied than
    buying a treadmill. It's good to be out
    among people. Lou
     
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  17. Countess Joy

    Countess Joy Well-Known Member

    There’s a walking club in our area that met at a mall. Kenn was referred by his nurse since they had someone staffing it, he enjoyed it. ~B
     
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  18. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Bernadine, I'm glad Kenn was able to
    enjoy those group walks. You told me
    about his gregarious personality, when
    he brought musicians together. The
    seniors who go to the Senior Center, look
    forward to walking together in the mall.
    I try to walk outside, by myself, every
    day, but not on those few days with snow
    & ice on the ground. Lou
     
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  19. csmith532

    csmith532 Well-Known Member

    I agree. It is good to be out and about and talk to people. Sometimes it's hard but I try to push myself to do so. Sorry I have been MIA the last few weeks. School is kicking my butt.

    -Chad
     
  20. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Chad, nobody has to apologize for
    anything on GIC. I used to be offended
    when people didn't answer my texts,
    but I've wised up since then! Tom Zuba
    says to take NOTHING personally. Hope
    you can get out more, soon. Lou
     
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