My own notion of grief

I thought it was a sad time that followed the death of someone you love.
And that you had to push through it to get to the other side.
But I am learning, there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather, there is absorption, adjustment, acceptance.
And grief is not something you complete, but rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish and move on.
But an element of yourself, an alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing, a new definition of self.

 

T.K., so glad you are staying with us on
GIC. So sorry that your wife died in
Sept. It's so recent that your emotions are
raw. I'm about your age. My wife, Linda,
died suddenly 3 years ago. She was 68
We were married 25 years. I sobbed
every day in the beginning, & couldn't
listen to any song without weeping. I miss
Linda every day,& occasionally dream
about her. I still choke up, but don't
cry as intensely as I did before. May I
ask your wife's name? I think it helps
the healing of grief to say her name. Lou

 

Hi
Her name is Mary. We were to celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary in september.
She just turned 70 august.

 

Thank you do much for answering me
so quickly, T.K., & telling me Mary's
name. You & I have a lot in common.
Our wives were about the same age,
& we were married about the same
number of years. I'm the oldest of 4
"brothers" on this site: Gary, from
Indiana, George , from Illinois, Chad,
from Texas. I see that you live in
Missouri, which is a lot bigger than my
state of Massachusetts. I live on the
northern coast. I would be honored if
you joined our brotherhood on GIC. Lou

 

Hi TK, thank you for you’re posting, you’re words so express
that which I felt, still feel since God called my husband Jack
to Heaven. I know this is a journey which God will oversee, that
I must travel till in in HIS timing HE calls me to Heaven and
I am united with Jack. Sending prayers, hugs to all.
Blessings, Patti

 

T.K., I agree with Patti. Your words are
so beautiful & true. Haven't seen you on
GIC, for a while, and I'm glad you stayed
with us. I recall "talking " with you. You
& I are about the same age. Your wife,
Mary, was about the same age, as Linda,
who died suddenly at 68, over 3 years ago.
We were married 25 years. Hope we can
talk again. Lou

 

Thank you all so much..Like you all I still hanging in there. With the help of the Lord I had a funeral to do yesterday.
Had a couple bumps but got through it. Pray that all of you are doing ok.
God Bless
T.K.

 

This is such a true sentiment. Thank you for sharing.

-Chad

 

Chad, good to see you on here this Sat.
morning. It's almost 6:30am. I had a bad
day of crying & grieving over Linda
yesterday, starting with a dream I've had
before that I was hugging her. I woke up
crying when I was hugging myself. Part
of the reason is that I turned the heat off
at night ( it's so damn expensive now), and
I was cold. I was disoriented, and reached
out to TGW, like Bernadine, Robin, Deb, &
our brothers, Gary & George. I was
hoping to hear from you,too, Chad, but,
as I just told Debra in California, we're in
different time zones, so I understand.
Massachusetts, where I live, seems like a
different country from Texas. But, as an
American, I read about Texas, California,
Florida, & other states, bc Linda & I
visited almost all of them, except Alaska &
Hawaii. I'm glad you plan to visit California
for a change of scenery, and a break from
your routine. Brother Lou

 

Thanks for your reply Lou. I am sorry you had a rough go as of late. I had a dream similar to that before where you don't immediately realize they are gone when you wake. And the sadness and pain that comes when reality does set in. I haven't dreamt of Lizzy in a while and I don't know why. I apologize for being away just got caught up with school, work, and things. I got a letter from my Dr. the other day telling me that my healthy living is paying off and my liver was no longer showing signs of fatty liver disease and that they were proud of what I was doing. I cried deeply when I read that. Not out of joy or happiness but out of regret and guilt. What if I had made health a priority a year or two ago? Would that have made a difference? It was good to speak to you. Hope you have a good Saturday.

-Chad

 

Thank you so much for your kind reply
this am, Chad.I'm glad you're healthier
now. I used to feel guilty that I felt fine,and
Linda became ill. Now, I try to keep
healthy, sticking to a regular sleeping,
eating, and walking outside schedule.
Day started out fine, with a pleasant fog
over the ocean. As I told others here, I'm
sitting in one of my favorite breakfast
places, this one across from beach. It
just started to rain heavily, so I'm in no
hurry to walk outside. I'm getting on
GIC & enjoying blues music in the
restaurant. So far so good here. Hope
you have a good one there. Lou

 

Patti I am so glad to see your post. When I was thinking of Robin being gone I was thinking of you too. I apologize for not writing you sooner. I hope you are feeling better. I heard how long it takes to heal from the omicron. Your a very wise person and I know you’re making all the right moves. Please be patient with yourself. We love you. Gary

 

I have started going for walks as well. Probably will even more as springs gets to full force. Not sure about during the summer though. It can get crazy hot here.

 

Chad, glad you're taking walks now, while
you can. A lot of GW find that it is better
than "staring at the 4 walls" in grief. I
looked at the ocean waves yesterday, and
it was a form of meditation, taking a
break from mourning. Is there an air
conditioned indoor track, or a mall, near
you, where you can walk during the hot
summer? Lou

 

Good idea. I will have to check and see if there is.

-Chad

 

Great, Chad. It would be more varied than
buying a treadmill. It's good to be out
among people. Lou

 

There’s a walking club in our area that met at a mall. Kenn was referred by his nurse since they had someone staffing it, he enjoyed it. ~B

 

Bernadine, I'm glad Kenn was able to
enjoy those group walks. You told me
about his gregarious personality, when
he brought musicians together. The
seniors who go to the Senior Center, look
forward to walking together in the mall.
I try to walk outside, by myself, every
day, but not on those few days with snow
& ice on the ground. Lou

 

I agree. It is good to be out and about and talk to people. Sometimes it's hard but I try to push myself to do so. Sorry I have been MIA the last few weeks. School is kicking my butt.

-Chad

 

Chad, nobody has to apologize for
anything on GIC. I used to be offended
when people didn't answer my texts,
but I've wised up since then! Tom Zuba
says to take NOTHING personally. Hope
you can get out more, soon. Lou