My name is Marie and we lost our son

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by marie, Sep 23, 2016.

  1. marie

    marie Member

    October 8 will be 4 months and i am not the same person any more. I do not cook dinners anymore. We way frozen foods. Therapy grief ,counseling, read I g and writing do not help me.
  2. Mona

    Mona Member

    It's been 9 years since I lost my son. That first year was a total blur. Lots of time on the sofa, just barely making it to work and back. My husband and I moved to separate rooms because neither of us could sleep. That first year you just manage to breathe and maybe eat and maybe sleep. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a blog where I began writing some months after he died: survivingaloss.wordpress.com.
    ArtistSandy and Stella Carpenter like this.
  3. marie

    marie Member

  4. marie

    marie Member

    Thank you Mona for replying. I am so sorry for your loss. I do relate so much to what you have said. It has been almost 4 months and i have not been back to work yet. I see a therapist but it really does not help. It seems like nothing helps. I can not even stand being around my husband. I have already been in the hospital. I feel as though i am crazy.
  5. marie

    marie Member

    I went to your blog nut could not get to see it
  6. Mona

    Mona Member

    Sorry if the blog address didn't work. I forgot the address Monav.wordpress.com.
    Or google "surviving a loss Wordpress.com"

    One of my worst moments was going to the grocery store and reaching for his cereal. I couldn't go back there for months. He was in graduate school and back home living with us. It was so great, he was getting along with his dad. We had all never been closer. But I think he was terrified of the next step - being on his own having a career. Although we told him he could live with us as long as he needed. But he had emotional demons and refused to take medicine. So many "if only"s.
    Kimberly1985 likes this.
  7. Mona

    Mona Member

    I went in the hospital the day after we buried him. I couldn't stand the thought of never touching him again. It was a low point. And then all the months of dreading questions? How many children do you have? How do you answer that? Now it depends who is asking. I will say one to strangers I won't ever meet again. To people I might want to keep in my life I say I had two but I lost my oldest 9 years ago. I will share this as a chaplain only if I think it will help my patient or family member know that I understand their loss.

    It seems so simple a question but such an emotional land mine.
    Uma likes this.
  8. SpeedyRIP

    SpeedyRIP Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. The first 2yrs after my loss I actually hardly remember. It was all a haze. It does get a little better with time. It's been 7yrs for me & tho it's still very hard on a daily basis, I can honestly say I'm doing much better. With the help of Wellbutrin. Sending you many (((hugs))).
  9. Janice Lovel

    Janice Lovel New Member

    I loss my son a month ago. The hurt is so unreal. I walk around numb. My husband and I cry together all the time. I went back to work to see if it would take my mine off the hurt, but its still there. My co-workers are so understandable. My heart is so broken, I don't think I will ever feel happy again. I just have to have Faith in the Lord that it will get better.
    God Bless you all that have a loss of a child.
  10. marie

    marie Member

    Thank you mona, Janice and Sneed for your responses. I appreciate you all opening your hearts and souls to me. It really means a lot to me. I am starting to dream about him and it is so painful when I awake. There is no bargaining with God at this point. I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone. I ask why God but that is not getting me anywhere. I have been taking ativan since june to cope. I also chat on The Compassionate Friends and Healthfulchat.
  11. marie

    marie Member

    Mona I was able to see your blog under Monav.wordpress.com. thank you for sharing your blog. Still hard for me to read right now because I feel so responsible for my son's death. So much has happened Ivey the years yet things spiraled out of control those last days. I just did not know what to do.
  12. marie

    marie Member

    Janice i am sorry for your loss. I wish I could hug you in person. I know the loss is so unbearable. Just wanted you to know I am with you.
  13. ArtistSandy

    ArtistSandy New Member

    Hi Janice. I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. I lost my handsome, funny, sweet son on November 9, 2014. He had just turned 23 in October. I remember what it was like when it was only a month into our loss. Please, please take care of yourself. And your husband needs to take care of himself as well. The numbness helps protect us in the early days. I remember thinking I was going crazy. I couldn't remember things, was just existing, barely.

    Please feel free to reach out. I'll help in any way I can.

    - Sandy
  14. Uma

    Uma New Member

    It has been almost four years, and this is the question that stops me in my tracks every single time. My son was 26 when he took his life. I still tell strangers I have two children. When they ask me how old, I tell them the age he would be today which is 30.