My little brother with disabilities died 2 months ago

I am having a difficult time. I was my brothers care giver for 12 years. Just the 2 of us as our parents are deceased. He needed full time care. Now I am alone. It was heartbreaking finding him unresponsive. He was innocent.

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear brother
This might not help at all, but being innocent he has not had to endure all the pain and turmoil that life can throw at us.

It is so hard to lose someone who has been depending on you and to whom you were so attached. There is such a strong bond formed between the two of you, It is so very difficult to realize they are no longer there. I didn't want to live after we lost our 28 year old son to suicide. That is a very difficult death experience However, my job was not really a help for me because I did not have the energy needed for the work. I was dysfunctioanl for a very long time. My saving grace was God. I had a pretty close relationship with God before the loss of our son, so I just kept hanging on and waiting for God to help me. I knew no one else could help. I needed God's help so I just kept looking to Him for help and he did help me.
Sometimes the pain is overwhelming. I didn't think I could survive it. A counselor said he knew our whole lives were involved with Shawn because of his great need and he asked my husband and me what we could see ourselves doing in 20 years. I thought, "this guy is crazy. I can't even get through one more day and here he is asking me about 20 years later." I really didn't think I could go on. I asked God to take me but that wasn't in his plan. I thought about suicide myself, but I knew that wasn't in His plan for me either because I was not emotiionally disturbed and tormented like Shawn was. One day I fell asleep while driving and woke up just as I was headed straight toward a tree. I swerved and hurt my car a little, but I knew then that God was not ready to take me, and I was going to have to find some way to endure. That way for me was to keep depending on God to help me.
I don't know if this is any help to you, but I just try to write what God gives me hoping it will help someone in some way.
We care about your pain and understand your struggle.
Please stay connected here and let us know what is happening with you.
Chris
Stay connected here and share your feelings as you feel led and as it helps you. Sometimes it is a help to think things through. No one has to have an answer because God will supply tge answer.
Chris

 

Thank you Chris. To take the time to share so much of your story. The aching pain of losing your young son. I can not imagine the feeling of loss a parent feels to such a tragic event. Like having your heart ripped out of your chest. How to pick up the pieces? How to live again? Why to live again? The pain must have been unbearable. It is reassuring that you have such a strong and steadfast faith to carry you through such heartbreak. I wish I had a deep faith in God. That God existed for me the way God does for you. Because my mind or heart does not know that relationship I am trying to be as kind as I can to myself in this time of grief. You are correct, it was a very close bond we had. I was big sister there to protect and care for little brother. And it reassured me what you said that he, due to his purity and innocence, did not have the awareness of what the world can be like. He was just sweet and pure like a little child.
Please know your words were helpful for me in this time of loss/confusion. I know it will take as long as it will take to feel a sense of normalcy again, to know myself in this world without him to be responsible for. My meaning and purpose are gone for now until I one day find a new purpose.

 

I am so glad to hear some hope in your words. Don't let go of hope. /things will get better for you.
Thank you for your kind words.
I want to encourage you to believe that you can have the same deep faith I have. God is real and He cares much about you and your pain and your recovery. I got to this place by much prayer and spending time with God before we lost our son. I never knew what I would face when I got home every day as all 3 men had serious mental problems, so I knew my only hope was to get as close to God as I could and let him help me through many difficult situations. Our problems are not just a disaster, but they are always an opportunity to draw closer to God.
I have great confidence that you will come out of this a much stronger and compassionate person. I understand what you said about your meaning and purpose being gone for now, but you are right that you will find a new purpose. I care about you.
Please stay in touch.
Chris

 

You are truly understanding, Chris. With inner strength that only comes from the trials/tribulations that are presented in life. Your words are kind and comforting. I care about you too. Hugs.

 

I’m so sorry for your loss. Caring for your brother for so long created a deep bond, and now facing this emptiness is incredibly painful. Finding him like that—someone so innocent—must have been devastating. It’s natural to feel lost and alone now, especially after such a long period of being his anchor. But remember, your strength as his caregiver showed immense love and dedication. You gave him everything, and that matters more than words can capture. Take it one step at a time, and be gentle with yourself. You're allowed to feel all of this, and you're not alone in it.

 

Hi Amanda, my name is Shannon. My brother died very suddenly 3/13/25. He was 50 years old, our parents both died years ago. I am having a hard time coping with being the last living family member, I am lucky enough for have a family of my own, but my brother was so special and he left behind two daughters. Maybe we can help each other. I feel guilt, emptiness and am having a hard time finding meaning in my life.

 

Oh ladies. The immense struggle that grief is in our lives. We can only try to keep moving forward little by little. I am glad you have a family of your own Shannon, but the three of us know no matter what we have it doesn't lessen the pain of grief for one we loved so dearly.
The emptiness feeling comes from having lost such an important person in your life. It feels like a huge hunk of your heart has been ripped out.
We must find meaning in something else-it is essential to help us keep going. I find meaning in trying to support others on this website, because I can really understand what they are going through as can others who frequent this site. Since we understand the depth of the pain which grief such as yours brings, then it gives people a chance to express their feelings here without being crititicized or judged. Even the mind tricks grief tries to work on us to make us think we are going crazy and we can't make it another day, are okay to express here because we truly understand how awful grief can be.
May God grant you strength to endure and return interest in life again.
Love,
Chris