My husband took his life 6 months ago.

I’m raising 4 kids and taking care of my mother. Life doesn’t stop , prom is still coming up along with everything else. I just don’t understand. 6 more months, if he could have held on 6 months, he would have experienced our daughter talking and gaining her independence. Now all I think about is how am I going to tell her this later? Did he know I loved him? I tried so hard to get him help. I freaking tried so hard to get him into get his meds. The military really did a number on him.
I completely lost myself. No eating, sleeping, delirious to the point of sedation so I could gather myself. I was dealing with my grief while trying to be strong for my kids. My teenage daughter just started acting out and also started having panic attacks . She constantly tells me that she’s talking to daddy when she’s alone outside.

when does it get better ? because every single person says it’s gonna get better, don’t worry. I’m losing myself and who i was. It was john and erica. i don’t know how to even be erica without john.

I’m on meds, doing grief therapy and seeing a psychiatrist. When does all this crap start working because six months now and I still cry every single day!

 

Erikha,
It will be 5 years on June 19th and I still cry all the time. I get moments when I'm pushing forward, but I get knocked back. My story was Paulie and Nancy and I totally get who is Nancy without him.
I still don't know and I get offended when someone mentions finding someone. Find who?? it won't be him.
I don't want anyone but him and have to tell those who attempt asking me out that I'm still in love with Paulie. You don't even have a shot. My love is gone but he's still mine and I'm still his. I really don't want anyone. I'm actually offended when men try, feeling disrespected somewhat that they don't acknowledge I'm grieving.
I've done individual therapy, groups .... they help for a moment but not for long, and hasn't alleviated my pain. A crushing, crippiling pain. I wish I could say it will get better soon. But the fact is everyone that has had experience loss by suicide will never stop feeling the pain. It's a different loss than any other. I've lost both my parents, whom I loved very much. Very painful but very different than losing the man I love.
Most around us that care very much probably can't truly understand because of its intimate nature and the intimate pain. My hope and prayer for the both of us is that time will lessen the pain. As if we will learn to live with it enough to move forward. Everyone is different so keep that in mind. I really would rather others try to tell me it's been long enough. I reply "If you truly knew what I'm going through, you wouldnt say that to me" But thank you very little. (Lol) It really doesn't help. I do appreciate your concern.