Hi everyone, this is my first time posting on something like this. I lost my dad almost three months ago to pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed about two years before he passed and went through everything… surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, you name it. The treatments were brutal, but he faced it all with quiet strength. On top of the expected grief, I’m struggling with the fact that things between us feel unfinished. I always loved my dad and I still do, but we didn’t always see eye to eye when I was growing up. My parents split when I was seven, and I spent more time with my mom. Still, I’m grateful I got the chance to take care of him during his last days. Through it all, he wanted things to stay “normal.” He didn’t act like a cancer patient, he kept working and doing what he could until his body just couldn’t anymore. Because of that, we never had an official goodbye. When he came home on hospice, I moved in to care for him. He passed three days later. Before that, he spent a week in the hospital, and I was there every second I could be. I just hope he knows that despite our differences, I was there for him. I dropped everything to move in, even prepared to take a year off school if needed. He was the strongest man I’ve ever known, and I’m so proud of him. The only comfort I have now is knowing he’s no longer in pain. I’m 23 years old and still trying to figure out how to move forward without him. He was so young, he did not even make it to 50 years old. It kills me to think about everything he is going to miss out on… me getting married, having his grandchildren… Some days I just miss hearing his voice or being able to tell him about my day. I would have never expected to feel the way I did or do the things I did when he passed. He passed away at home surrounded by our loved ones. I laid with his body for an hour until the funeral home came to collect him. I just didn’t want him to be alone. I realize a lot of my feelings and actions may be out of guilt from our unfinished relationship. And that is selfish. But I can’t help it, and I am trying to find a therapist to help me through this. Anyway… I joined this forum hoping to share his story, keep his memory alive, and connect with others who understand this kind of loss. Thank you for letting me share his story. Sending care to everyone who is missing a parent or parents or guardians.
I think a lot too about how my dad will miss big milestones in my life. It's been almost 3 and a half years since he passed and it's still incredibly hard. It sounds like you did everything you could before he died and I'm sure he appreciated it more than you know. Thank you for sharing your story. Losing a parent so young is hard. Sadly enough, life goes on, but you come out stronger because of it. Even if it doesn't seem like it now. I promise
