Missing my mom and best friend

On July 13, 2016 I lost my mom very unexpectedly. I was actually completing rehab for alcoholism and was 5 hours away from home when I got the call. My children had found my mom dead. I didn't understand how this could happen to us I had just spoken to her on the phone a few hours before. We had been through so much together; addiction, abuse, divorce and loss. I have never felt more alone in my life. I shared everything with my mom she was my support system in every way and my very best friend. I have no other family besides my children. No one to share memories. I'm 4 months pregnant and I won't have my mom here when I have this baby. There is such a void and so much grief that I'm having a hard time even getting out of bed in the morning some times I don't and stay in bed all day. I have never been through such a depression in all my life. I just don't know how to move forward and I've had no one to talk to about this.

 

HI Stefanie- I just lost my mother just recently and it was a shock to me but she is in a good place now with my dad- the hard part of this whole thing i miss her so very much and truly cannot believe what happen- i am not in anykind of depression at all but just thinking about all the good times i had with her i do try my best to do my regular things around my house. and thanks to my mother I happen to have a nice wonderful lady that comes over 3 times a week so take care of me- my friend Kim told me that it could take probably at least 2-3 years for me to heal from this.

 

Hello Stefanie, I just lost my Mom on July 4th and my best friend April 11 and my other friend August 4th and I am so lost and Just am not handling any of this well. I have lost other people in my life but for some reason I can't get back to Me- who I was. I have a wonderful husband and a Beautiful grown Daughter that are both trying to help me.So I decided to come here and see if by talking with other people would help me

 

We went on vacation to see her got there saturday night and she had be admitted in to the hospital and she died 213 monday morning I hadn't seen her in 2 years

 

I understand what you are going thru I miss her so much .I would call her every day and now I have no one all I do is cry,I can't seem to get my poop in a group so the house is starting to show it

 

Dear Stefanie:
My sincere and heartfelt condolences on losing your Mom. My Mom passed away last May after being sick for awhile and her quality of life was at a point where I knew the end was near. Although I was intellectually prepared for it, emotionally you are never really ready to lose a parent. Part of you is forever missing. It has only been a few months since your Mom died, so you need to give yourself time to heal. I won't lie and tell you that it stops hurting after a point, because it never really does. We just learn to live with it more constructively. My Mom was also my best friend and I have no family left, aside from my cat. There are days when I also have to force myself to get out of bed. Somehow I do and I just tackle one day at a time. You have a new baby, which is always a joy, no matter what else you're dealing with. I know that your heart aches for your Mom right now, believe me. What you need to do is try very hard to remember all the wonderful memories I'm sure you both shared. I know from firsthand experience that the best way to honor your Mom's memory is to live your life in such a way that would make her proud and believe deep down that she would want you to be happy.
I was with my Mom when she died and the last thing she said to me was..."promise me that you will be OK and that you will be happy." And so I promised her anything she asked for, as I had done my entire life. And although she's not here for me to talk to, I still have conversations with her every single day and I see signs all the time and feel her spirit with me. Please try to remember that you never lose the love you have inside for someone you loved dearly.

I wish you comfort and peace~ Ellen

 

Dear Stefenie. I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mom 12 years ago and it hurts. It changes with time but the void is here.
She died suddenly. She was healthy, but died on a plane flying to celebrate her 50th birthday with my dad. She was buried on her birthday.
It took me many years to understand I lost my best friend. It took me many years to cry.. We used to do many things together. Many fun moments, stupid, funny things like two young girls. I miss that very much.
But when I turned a mom myself I really wanted to tell my daughter who her grandmother was, to show her photos and tell her many memories about my mom.

Wishing you peace and easy labor,
Tovit

 

To Everyone Here:
I am so very sorry for your losses. I know full well, how you all feel. I have really lost everyone in my life that ever meant anything to me and the word "hard" doesn't even come close. Most recently, my Mom last May. She was also my best friend, like many of you. I also lost my wonderful step-dad nearly 12 years ago and it feels like yesterday. He was really my Dad in every sense of the word and when you lose both parents, part of you is really gone forever. I have also lost people in my life, not through death, but through unforgivable acts that have caused permanent estrangement and also my divorce. It's hard to be alone...no doubt.

However there are many things that I have learned having lost so much and I'd like to share them with you all. Perhaps they will help and also bring some comfort.

• You can't put a timetable on "healing." Everyone is different. There are some losses that you never truly heal from You just learn how to adapt and live.
• Whenever possible, you need to think of yourself, first and foremost. Be gentle and kind to yourself and feel your emotions.
• Don't let anyone tell you to "get over it." That's not what friends or people who really care about you do.
• Express your feelings. Cry, feel sad, remember, feel lost. And then one day all of the sudden you'll have a faint smile.
• Keep as busy as you possibly can. Get up each morning and start moving.
• Do your best to get enough rest and try to eat healthy. Take care of you.
• Join a support group. It really helps. Even if you aren't the talkative type, just listening to so many people who feel the same pain will help.
• If you don't have a pet and you're animal lover and allowed to have them....get a rescue dog or cat. It's amazing how animals can help you heal.
• Keep and display pictures of your loved ones in your home. It may help you feel closer to them.
• Not everyone is a cemetery person, but I am. I go at least once a month and have long conversations with my parents. It's comforting.
• Most importantly, don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help. There's no shame in that and a site like this very much provides that.

I know the holidays are very hard when you've lost someone you loved. They are unbearable sometimes for me. But after January 1st. I look around and realize that yes...I survived yet another holiday season. With many tears and some smiles, I know I'm strong and can handle what every comes along. Everyone should take pride in how resilient the human spirit is. Life can still be good.

To Everyone....Merry XMAS, Happy Chanukah, and a very Happy and Healthy New Year.

Hugs~ Ellen