Might be about to love my mom

They just wheeled her into the operating room about an hour ago and so many thoughts are racing through my mind. I'm trying to stay hopeful but given all her medical conditions and history with heart issues, Im trying to prepare myself for the worst scenario. At times I feel calm and at others I start to miss her, even tho she's still with us in the operating room. I'm not even sure which emotion is the correct one to feel right now. In case the worst happens, I'm hoping someone can share some tips on how to handle the first day of loss. I'm not even sure what I'm allowed to do, as silly as that sounds. Am I allowed to distract myself with something I enjoy or am I supposed to face all the emotions right away? I have a sister and dad that I want to be strong for so I'm not sure how much emotion I should show. I can tell I'm going to struggle from the feeling of guilt for not being there for her sooner but I understand that is a natural emotion a lot of people feel. Even as I type this, I'm not sure what to day. Any tips or words of advice would mean the world to me right now. Thank you.

 

Lose, not love. Sorry.

 

When I lost someone I loved, I used to turn to the activities I loved and made new friends to distract myself from hard feelings and emotions that I can’t process it immediately. Finally I failed, sooner or later, I need to face my sadness. After loved one passed, at least all the new relationships I developed during that time turned out to be not good because it’s just a distraction and all you want is your loved one go back, but it’s impossible to achieve.