Merry Christmas

To all who are on this site ,God I wish so so much it wasn’t the case.I just want to say “Merry Christmas”.It’s my 2nd one without my beautiful wife,not any better than the first but I fight on ,every day is a battle but so many good memories of Christmas together.I still put the tree up ,decorating outside and inside though not as much on the inside as my wife did.I wonder what all of you are doing also?For those who are facing this for the first time ,truthfully no magical words you just do it.For me was the first Christmas morning by myself,got up went to the graveyard in ten degree weather and sat as long as I could,and will do the same but hope for warmer weather.It is just awful,we will always want our spouses back ,I was at the cemetery the other day and met an older woman at her husband’s grave she said he was 91 when he passed almost a year ago,that she was so thankful she had him for this long but it was still painful.I told her that I lost my wife at 59, she says that is way to young to lose someone and with tears in her eyes says it is just not fair.You know it’s true I believe the younger the harder it is ,but the pain and grief is there for all and it stinks.I still have faith though very small, for I need to believe I will see my wife again.You are all TGW ,fighters for we know our spouses wouldn’t want it any other way. OMG this is hard crap,I hope all our with family and do the best that you , be strong and very courageous,God bless.

 

Tom, Merry Christmas to you, too, even
though it's not too "merry " for us, on
GIC. I 'mvery happy that you stayed with
us. We need each other, especially during
Christmas, New Year's Day, and sad
anniversaries ( our spouses' birth and
death days, our weddings). Since we
last spoke, 2 new "brothers " have joined
us from Texas. Rick, 72, is my age, the
oldest. Chad , 38, is the youngest. You
are in the middle, and will be our 6th
brother. I feel we can be stronger
together. I feel bad that you had to sit in
the cold, at Gina's gravesite. My wife.
Linda, had requested that she be cremated.
I respected her wishes, and her ashes are
in a simple green block with her name &
a lighthouse, bc we both love the sea.
God Bless, Tom, and thank you again for
reaching out to us . Lou

 

Thank you for this post. This will actually be my 4th Christmas after losing Ron so suddenly right before Thanksgiving in 2018. That first Christmas is a blur. I know I had both my children with me and my brother and his gf. Each year I hope it gets easier going through the holidays. But it’s such a struggle. I have a tree and have some of his Star Trek ornaments on it. and put out the wooden deer that Ron made years ago to honor him. Inside our home used to be decorated everywhere now I put out Rons favorite things. Everything I do is to honor my wonderful husband. We were together since I was 16 and he was 19, married 41 years and in business together. The holidays sure test us. But we all push through. I believe with all my heart we will be reunited with our wonderful spouses when it’s our turn. Ron was cremated and I talk to him each day. During the holidays I put a Poinsettia by his ashes and an ornament I had given him the year prior, of the 2 of us on our anniversary trip. I feel his presence with me and it gives me strength. Ron is my reason to get up and keep moving each day. He would want that. You are so right, this is hard crap. God bless you and everyone on this site.
Robin

 

Robin, that is beautiful, how you honor
Ron's memory. I prefer to call my tribute
to Linda, as her memorial ,rather than
her ashes. I see it every day, on top of my
bureau. Next to it, I placed a small jade
elephant, which we both loved. It's as if
that elephant is saying we must never
forget. TGW are helping me through my
4th Christmas, too, for which I'm very
grateful. Since Linda was the one who
decorated our apartment, I am not, in
my new apartment. I plan to take a walk by
the ocean and downtown There are others
here, who live alone, as I do. Merry
Christmas, Robin. You have been an
inspiration, welcoming me and our
recent new members. Lou

 

That is so lovely that you decorate, she may be looking down in awe. This too is my second Christmas I lost Jack my husband of 39 years to cancer and I agree the second Christmas is no better than the first but we fight on. I will have my daughter and granddaughter with me this year and supposed to snow which gives them very happy thoughts.
I decorate, but not like I used to. I only decorate for my daughter and granddaughter otherwise I would just forget it. I fake it around them so they won't worry about me so much. My daughter watches me like a hawk and if she knew how sad and miserable I am she would probably put me into a care home. She's way too protective, but I love her to pieces.

I have Jack in my office with his favorite hat on and my son is there too. My son died 2019. They are my two loves I miss terribly and will forever until I meet them again.

Tom I think is your name. Thank you for posting your Merry Christmas message, hoping for a better new year for us all. Karen

 

I lost my Lizzy in October and this will be the first Christmas without her. I couldn't muster the strength to put up the tree or decorate. Going to my brother's for Christmas. It's so hard without her. I am 38 and she was 39. Trying to just take one day at a time. Merry Christmas.

-Chad

 

My heart breaks for you. I’m glad you have family offering support. And of coarse GIC. We’re here for you. Holidays are very hard. One day at a time is the best way. Don’t think too far ahead. I know from experience having a loving caring family helps. Just knowing someone cares. All I ever hope for to make it through to the other side of these holidays. I put a gift under the tree for Ron each year. Usually bird seed. This year a feeder and bird seed. He’d love it. ❤️

 

Karen, I don’t know if I missed it or I’m that forgetful. But I didn’t know you lost your son too. I’m so sorry. My tree is up for my daughter like you’re saying. And for whatever reason I’m feeling extra miserable this year. Or maybe not more but not better then last year. thinking of you and all of us on GIC as we push through the holidays. Robin

 

Robin, it is so wonderful that Karen, Chad,
Tom, and you, are on GIC today. It's a
gray, very cold day. I just want to get
through Christmas. Bc Linda was my only
family, and did the decorating, I just
need to take a walk that day, & have
food in the apartment at night. Lou

 

Thank you so much for your kind words
to Tom. I am so glad he's staying with us
on GIC. I welcomed him as a middle
brother. Rick & I are the oldest, and Chad
is the youngest. Now, we are 6 brothers--
strength in numbers. I'm glad Trish &
your grandaughter are with you for
Christmas, even though it is very sad &
empty without Jack. Lou

 

Chad, I am really glad you're going to your
brother's. Is he married with children ?
You shouldn't be alone, your first
Christmas without Lizzy. Lou

 

Lou, It’s raining and windy here. Kind of miserable. I hate days like this. I’m staying busy and preparing for my brother and his gf coming for Christmas. Hope she behaves. I’m sorry it will be such a lonely day for you. My heart goes out to you and you’ll be in my prayers as always. Hope you have some eats saved for Christmas to get you through. It’s such a difficult day. Not sure how I would fair if I was alone. I’m usually feeling better with people around me. Not always but usually. As you know, Linda is with you. She’s a part of you. ❤️ Robin

 

Thank you, Robin. Except for Christmas
Day itself, when everything is closed, I've
been going out to breakfast or lunch, to
be with people, or bring my phone, sit
alone, and get on GIC, which helps me
immensely. Even though it rained, I
went to a cafe which features live
music at lunchtime, usually a duo. I sit
in the back room, with a guy, my age,
who talks with me while he plays the
drum softly. Today was a treat, bc he
surprised the duo ( and me), by standing
up with his blues harp, & sang the blues.
Perfect. Lou

 

That does sound like such a lovely way to spend a dreary afternoon. I happy it turned out to be a nice treat for you. I’m seeing I have a chance of a little snow tomorrow. Would be so nice if that happened on Christmas Eve. I’m hoping your home and safe and warm in your apartment. I’m annoyed at myself I was out yesterday and forgot to look for sleepy time tea. I do plan on getting it though.
I have to go out in this bitter cold and gale force winds to get my garbage out. I always think how Ron would never let me do these things. Hope you have a good evening. Robin

 

Yes, we are supposed to get a little snow
Christmas Eve, which brings joy to
families, especially children, and I'm
happy for them. Please bundle up when
you have to face those winds. Hope you
can buy the herbal tea next time. It's
supposed to be really cold tomorrow, and
I may stay inside. I need to take naps
sometimes. I want to stay healthy, well
fed, and warm, as Linda would've wanted.
I'm proud of myself that I baked chicken
thighs in the oven tonight. The aroma
brings me back to my middle school
years, when I would come inside after
raking leaves, and my mouth was
salivating. Now, I can even have leftovers.
Lou

 

Merry Christmas to you too. I gathered holly and fir boughs from my property to make a swag with ornaments and ribbon for my front door. Just enough for the outside world to know I remember we’re in a holiday season. It’s my first without Kenn. It sucks. ~Bernadine

 

It's hard to keep caught up here. I guess you read about my son's passing I sent to Gary. I miss him so much. He and Jack are in my office in their urn's as they call it waiting for me.
Me too, extra miserable. Second year is no more better than the first. Let's just get these holidays behind us and hope for a better new year. Blessings to you and your daughter and son this Christmas. Karen

 

I’m proud of you too. Look at you baking chicken. And I agree, having left overs is kind of the best part. Sometimes I wonder what Ron would be eating, cooking etc if things were reversed. He loved my cooking. Like I’m sure you loved Linda’s cooking. And yes, thank you for caring. I do bundle up when heading out in this brutal cold. And colder tomorrow. I think I’ll be staying in too. I do want to get the tea, I want my daughter to try it too. She has a stressful job and she has a lot of anxiety. I worry about her. Im sure you’re resting by now, I was up past 2 last night. Hoping tonight goes better. Robin

 

Merry Christmas to you as well. That was nice of you to think of us. Im praying for all our strength this holiday and each passing day. This is also my second one without my sweetheart. If it wasn't for our small kids I think I'd boycott the holiday. The fact that they are counting me is the oy thing thats keeping me going even though I'm still moving slow. Its good you still do some of yall traditions. I hope you have a good night and a blessed Holiday. You are a warrior!

 

Sweetcole, it's so good to see you on here
again.I remember talking with you,and that you're young, as was your husband &
sweetheart. I have found that my friends
here have become closer , when they
said their names, and that of their
soulmates. Also, what part of the U.S.A.
they live. I know you live down South,
in Georgia. I live on the northern coast
of Massachusetts. May I ask your name &
husband's? My name is Lou, 72, & my
wife's name was Linda. She died suddenly,
at 68. That was rightbefore Thanksgiving,
3 years ago. I woke up from a dream, in
which I was crying for Linda, and had to
get on here for comfort. There's always
someone with whom to talk. Hope you
have a Merry Christmas, even though it's
not so merry for us grief warriors. Lou