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Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Daisy171, Mar 23, 2023.
Who will help me make important life decisions now that my loving husband of 40 years is gone?
God will help you make the best decisions if you reach out to Him. Tell him all about all of your struggle and pain and ask Him for wisdom.
Jesus cares about you and the dilemma you are in and we care about you also.
Dear Daisy, it was a Blessing when I found this group on GIC after my
Husband Jack transitioned to Heaven after 24 years suffering
from PD. Jack suffered TBI from a fall nine years prior, I totally
took care of him at home, I leaned on God each and every night
and day for HIM to give me strength to carry on, I give thanks to God
every day for His guidance, the wisdom in all my decisions
then, as I do now to continue on in this life.
We all here understand that which you are going through.
Lou, Gary, Chris, and All others, their suggestions will greatly
I seldom get on line anymore but do my best to visit, please keep
reaching out, you will feel the genuine love and caring from others
Sending a great big hug, love, I will keep you in my prayers.
PS. I want to say hi, love and prayers to all, and our
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. I think my biggest problem is the guilt I feel that I wasn't nice enough and didn't hug him more the week he died. I was so angry that he wouldn't go to the hospital, but I never really believed he would die. How do I go on without him.
Dear Daisy, Please don’t feel guilt for anything, you did everything
You could for Marshall, those last weeks were a nightmare, I
Don’t let myself go there ( I had to learn to tell myself they
we’re “ STINKIN THINKIN “ too painful. It took me some tome to
come to realize they only polled me down into big time grief.
Daisy it has been six years last November my Jack transitioned.
He lives on in my heart everyday, not a day has gone by that I haven’t
shed tears, but there tears of gratitude knowing how very Blessed
I have been, being a caregiver is is giving love back to one that
loved us deeply, none of us are perfect in anything in life ( speaking for
myself ) .
Please remember to take care of yourself, getting fresh air, outdoors,
Long walks really help me.
I prefer to say this or rather he graduated to our future new life
In Heaven.My heart goes out to you with love and compassion,
as our dear friend Gary says, be kind and compassionate to
yourself. Remember, you are SPECIAL, GOD LOVES YOU.
I know so well that feeling of guilt. It still remains at the top of my list of emotions I've been going through since I lost my beloved C. It all happened so suddenly, so quickly and unexpectedly, no time to think. Why didn't I urge him to go to hospital? Why didn't I realise he was having a heart attack? It all seems still so surreal, like a bad dream that just won't end. This guilty feeling is slowly easing off though, I now have days when it isn't on my mind at all, whereas during the first months, it racked my brain twenty four hours a day. We can feel guilty for many reasons when grieving our soulmates, even just feeling guilty for continuing our lives without them, or for not having loved them enough. It's a normal reaction, just talking about it and sharing with others on this site will help you get through this Daisy.
It is helpful to hear from people who understand the feeling of guilt. Why didn't I hug him more that last week? Why didn't I say something profound the night before he died? Why didn't I understand that he really was going to die, and this was no false alarm? And now it's too late. It was the last time even of last times.
You are definitely in the right place cause we all understand what you're feeling. In the beginning we wonder what we could've done better or differently. As time goes by you'll realize you did all you could. There are so many things we'd all had done differently if we knew "that" day would be the last day but nobody knows. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Im glad your communicating here though. Its good to talk to people that understand what you're going through. You're not in this alone its great group of people here.
Daisy, you couldn't have known that was the last time. How could you? We cannot predict the future, we did what we thought was best at the time, human nature. Fate also tends to play horrible tricks on us. Often, when we fear the worst, it never is, and when we don't... It's just the way it is. Unfortunately, we have no control over the course of events in our lives. Generally speaking, how many things would we have done/not done if we could turn back the clocks? We don't really bother with these thoughts until a particular distressing event hits us so closely, like the loss of a soulmate, and we find ourselves dwelling over "why didn't I?, I should have..." and so on. This is a perfectly normal feeling now Daisy. This reminds me of that famous phrase that Queen Elizabeth quoted when her Prince Philip died: "Grief is the price you pay for love" (I don't remember who said that, originally), and I know now, that guilt has a very big role.
A hug to you.
The price is too great. It is unbearable.
Daisy, in your time you will develop a warrior mindset. You are stronger than you think, feel, and believe. Now you must be extremely gentle and compassionate with yourself. Gary
I truly hope so because now I don't feel like a warrior at all. I feel like a defeated lonely nothing, although every now and then I thought of doing things for myself, which I never ever did, crosses my mind. Maybe I could actually pay to get my hair done or buy some decent clothes. Maybe I could exercise and eat more healthfully. Maybe I don't just have to give up.
Daisy, have you been to the site centerforloss.com? It has a lot of free information about grief and loss. The 6 Needs of the Mourner is on this site. It is a basic playbook for grief recovery. In this article it says we really feel like we are going crazy because of our loss. I felt that way a long time. That is a normal. There is a lot more to that read and site. Check it out. I put the 6 Needs on my home screen so I could regularly access it because of its value. Gary
At the beginning, grief can be completely overwhelming. For me, I was like a drowning person. Give yourself some time to catch your breath.
For me, it was like being lost in the desert or in the arctic. I was in a desolate, featureless landscape without landmarks, within humanity and without hope. But don’t lose hope! We are here, and you are stronger than you realize. This is an ending of something enormous. But we are here for you. Please remember to take care of yourself. And we’ll be here when you need to get your feet under you again. ❤️
Thank you. I will check out the site.
I feel just like you describe, but I just can't see any possibility of anything. But, this site inspires me, so I will keep on through what seems like a hopeless endless nightmare.