Lost the best big sister ever

I lost my older and only sibling in October 2015. I have severe guilt because I knew she had heart problems and was sick and listening to my mother we waited 3 days--even when she was no longer responding to us--to call 911. My mom just thought she needed to sleep but I think she was in denial and just wanted to hope for the best. Even when I knew she needed a hospital we decided to take her in the morning and she didn't make it through the night.

I can't stop thinking about her and how she died. She would be here now if I had taken initiative. Even worse, my mom had complications from diabetes just 10 months later, also got appendicitis, developed dementia and--though I fought for her like hell--she passed away last week after and about 8 months of trying everything I could think of. I think she was depressed. These two were my ENTIRE life. I lived with mom and lived across the hall from my sister. Saw them both daily, now they are both gone. I lost my job, have no relationship and no close friends. I am miserable, bored, lonely and sad every waking minute. I feel like just ending it. I feel hopeless and lost. I don't even know where to begin in putting my life together. I have never had a job I liked and getting another menial job with nothing else to give me happiness in my life is scary. At least when I had bad jobs I had them to look forward to on weekends, holidays, days off. Now there is NOTHING to look forward too and no one to do anything with. I'm so desperate for a friend I feel pathetic. My sister and I did everything together. I'm just so angry I didn't save her. I'm so sorry I let her down.

 

So sorry, Gunngirl about your sister and mother. I hope you can find some comfort soon. Everyone usually feels guilty after someone dies. I hope you can be kind to yourself. I imagine your sister doesn't blame you for her passing. That's my feeling, anyway.

 

So sorry for your heartaches. I pray for peace to embrace you and help you through this tragedy

 

I just lost my only little sister and she was my best friend couple weeks ago on August 5 to a scooter accident I know the experience and pain as this is the hardest thing I ever had to deal with still waking up pushing through the pain everyday hurts one a day at a time

 

Gunngirl are you still here??

 

My sister just passed, and i too feel like i should have done more to her. . .yes. sre you still here gunngirl? Lets talk!!