Lost piece of myself when I lost my Husband

My husband committed suicide 2 weeks ago on 4/3. Him hung himself in the garage and I found him.
We were together 22 1/2 years since we were kids 19 and 18. We have three daughters. He struggled with addiction issues and demons for a large part of his life.
I will always feel I could have done more or helped him more in some way
So many thoughts go through and emotions are up and down with uncontrollable bursts of sadness.
I struggle with remember the good but also the bad of the dark times of when he was using and what I went through then. And feel guilt when I remember him that way

 

I'm so sorry for you that you have suffered this terrible loss. This just happened. It is so new and raw. And after a life together, and children. Your universe has drastically changed so quickly, I'm so very sorry.
Please allow yourself to feel everything you feel and try not to blame yourself. It is so hard to lose someone close, and losing a partner changes everything in your life in ways that no other loss does.
I hope you can find some comfort and peace. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
There is just too much to bear. I am so very sorry for your pain, and hope you can find space and time to rest and to mourn as you need to.
I'm here because I lost my brother in March. Your loss is even newer than that and more complicated.
But if you ever want to communicate more one on one I'm here.
We are all alone, but we can feel less so with communities like this one.

Have a peaceful day.

B