Lost Parents and Grandparents

Hi.

So, since ‘09 I’ve lost my Mom’s mom to cancer, my Dad’s Mom in 2011 to liver/kidney failure (it was never made quite clear), my Dad’s dad in 2012 (also not made clear what he passed from), my Dad in 2016 to suicide, my Mom’s dad in 2017 to a throat issue, and now my Mom this August (four days before my Dad’s birthday), and yet again I don’t know why. She’d been sick for two weeks with what we thought was a stomach flu, she seemed to be doing better, but the night before she fell out of bed and that seemed to have caused something to go wrong. She was awake and fine one moment (completely coherent), and when I next checked on her she was dead. And no autopsy was performed.

Since then, it’s just been one thing after another. People telling me everything I need to do now that she’s gone, none of my family seems to just want to sit and talk with me about her (despite us babysitting for them, for free out of love, for almost 8 years), and they’ve not offered any help. The people who have, live either on the other side of the country or in a different country entirely.

It’s been two months and I feel like going on is just too hard some days. I just feel lonely and like I’m just… here. Like they threw me in the deep end, knowing full well I can’t swim, and give me crap when I say I need help. I don’t know if I’m just being unfair at this point or not. I know they miss her too, but it… it feels like they can just move on with their lives like it’s no big deal. Me? She was my entire world after Dad’s suicide. SHE was the one I was closest to, SHE was the one who supported me no matter what, SHE was the one who knew how to make me feel better, and now she’s gone.

I know she’s still around, as is everyone else (including my cats who passed), but… as comforting as that can be sometimes, it also makes it worse. I can feel her hug me, but it’s nothing like the real thing. None of my family has even hugged me during all this (unless I asked) except my baby cousins. I feel like I’m just a burden to them, and I don’t know what to do. Even my neighbors, who helped so much that first week, have just left me alone. My next door neighbor complained about me screaming in grief and told me to keep my cats inside at night because she can’t be bothered to get a dog door with covers (or one that locks, which Mom and I had offered to buy her a few years back)!

I just needed to get this out… I miss all of them so much (Grampy/Dad’s dad not as much, he never really got along with anyone it seems), but not having my Mom right now feels like it’s killing me. I feel lost and alone, and the one person who knew how to help is at a mortuary getting cremated instead of in the other room snoring like a dragon…

 

Thank you for your story. I can relate to what strangers share, more than I can trust my family with my tears. I'm isolating and trying to process a feeling I never felt before. I suppose this is like childbirth, millions go through it, but it feels like I'm the only one, sometimes. I assumed the role of the black sheep of my family, and it feels like reuniting with my family is more impossible than before.

 

First off, I’m sorry for your loss. I wish giving hugs over the internet was something we could do, but a virtual one is better than nothing, so here’s a virtual hug?

I’ve felt it so many times, from humans to animals, but losing my Mom has been the absolute worst, as it feels like I lost the ONE person in this world who understood me and didn’t judge me for how I am. I would say I wish you the best is finding common ground with your family, but sometimes it’s not the blood relations you really need in life. Friends and adopted family can be family just as much as someone by blood, even more so. I’ve taken to isolating myself actually… I WANT to be with my baby cousins, but their parents and Nana just… they don’t feel like they’re any help right now.

I know this is a normal part of grief, the isolation. We all go through it, and sometimes it takes a while to come out of it, and that’s okay. One day at a time, at our own pace, is all we can do. Not that our own pace is good enough for some people, which drives me mad more often then not.

Thank you for the response, hun.

 

I understand your feeling alone. I lost my mom on september 24th and i turned 41 on oct 2. My mom was my world. I have no parents, no girlfriend, wife or kids. I just feel so alone, helpless and hopeless. My mom was cremated today and i just wish i could be cremated with her.

 

I’m so sorry for your loss hun.

Yeah, that’s my situation right now. My Mom was just cremated as well, and I should hopefully have her ashes tomorrow. The past two months I’ve wanted nothing but to follow right behind her, but we have two cats and I’m trying to live for them at least. Or even for games or shows or whatever.

Still want to be with her as opposed to going through all the bs of life right now, but I’m taking it one day at a time. All we can do.

 

Sorry for your loss too. I am just looking for anything to try to go on for. Anything to make me think life can be survivable now. I don’t know where to turn so i thought maybe talking to someone who knows what i am going through might help. Most people don’t understand being fairly young and having no one in the world. My mom was my best friend and my world. Losing my dad and grandparents hurt but nowhere near like this.