My youngest son died from suicide on October 15,2023 at age 34. Now that it’s been 16& 1/2 months, my family exude to be over it & moving on. I’m finding this year harder than last. I have so many triggers and cry more often. I’m not sure why. The guilt is overwhelming & my family keeps telling me it’s not my fault. But I can’t help feeling there was something I should have or shouldn’t have done. No one seems to understand. I feel very isolated and misunderstood. Will this ever get better?
Hi I lost my son 37 heart attack and UTI this February 12th .He was a multiple handicap person from 9 months. I was his constant caregiver along with his mom. It was unexpected a shock. I'm the one who gave him CPR. I failed. I have found some consolation that at least I did the best I could have. He had a happy life and was loved completely. I just got on this site today and can't tell you much except you are not alone and you can forgive your self because you know you are worthy of that like my son would never blame me for this circumstance we always will love each other. You will heal in your own way God bless you
We also lost our youngest son age 28, as a result of suicide. I found the second year to be even worse than the first. I believe it is because the first year, whether you realize it or not, your mind is trying to deny that this awful tragedy even happened. The second year is even harder because it really sinks in that we can no longer see our son while we are here on this earth. I understand the isolated feeling you are experiencing. I felt it was because for everyone else life continued on, but for us it stopped the day our son died. No one who has not experienced this kind of shocking tragedy can really understand. You really can't expect understanding, just continue to tell them you are still trying to process what has happened and you are struggling. It doesn't matter what they think. Who is it in your family who expects you to get over it and move on? Someone close like husband or children? May God give you peace of mind, Chris
I lost my youngest son as well, to drugs, at age 27. He would be 33 on June 4th. It doesn't get easier but you do learn to live with it, kind of. You learn to live with it when you're around others. At least that's how it is for me. At home, when I'm alone .. I talk to him, I cry, I look at pictures. I do all those things that make other people uncomfortable. They tell me it's time to move on because they don't know what to say. I've told them what to say .. Say his name! Talk about him - anything! If you're really good at compartmentalizing you might be able to get through some days by putting your baby 'over there'. But I am sorry to say that, if anything, it gets harder because everything that you want to share with them is growing by the minute and you feel as if you might explode. The guilt? The what-if's? They will cripple you if you let them. Try to find a way to quiet that noise.
Thanks for posting. Means so much to hear from others who are this. It's been a half year. We're putting up a park bench. There were so many things we did together, that I associate with my son, and I find hard to do now. Thanks so much for responding.
I am so sorry that you're having to go through this, Leslie. I love that you're putting up a park bench, that is a great way to honor him and also you can go sit there and hopefully one day it will bring you peace. Did your son enjoy the park? I would love to hear about him if you'd like to tell me all the things that made him so wonderful, so loved, and so very missed. The day my child died, I became somebody new. A totally different person, someone I never knew. I am not who I used to be. I am definitely not the same. The only thing that hasn't changed, is the spelling of my name. I cry more than I ever did, I break down quite a lot. My heart hurts everyday, this pain just won't stop. A mother gives a child life, and a love unlike no other. When that is taken all away, she then becomes a grieving mother. --author unknown Sue
