Lost My Wife 2 Weeks Ago

Hi, I am glad I found this forum.

My wife of three days under a year and a half passed away on November 7th. She was 50 yo. She'd been battling cancer, but that wasn't what killed her. She'd had heart attacks in the past and suffered from congestive heart failure. In recent months her Type 2 diabetes spun out of control, as well. Leading up to her passing she'd been successful mitigating the diabetes using her insulin. But it was too much too late.

On the morning of the 7th I woke up expecting her to be ready for a rare day off for both of us. We were planning on taking a drive along Lake Michigan to see the Fall colors. But I knew as soon as I saw her that she was gone.

I replay that morning over and over again. I keep trying to wake her up. The paramedics said she's gone into cardiac arrest and died sometime early that morning. It's a tragic ending to our story.

The grief comes in waves. Today was the worst yet. I woke up paralyzed with fear and grief, and it lasted the entire day, which is why I sought out and found this forum. Even though I belong to a local grief support group, I find that I need to talk or write about my grief everyday. Her loss left a massive void in my life. Sometimes that void swallows me whole.

 

I’m so sorry. Reading this is very heartbreaking. I understand the need to find more spaces to connect with people who can understand loosing someone. I also am part of GriefShare but I find myself looking for more places to talk about the sudden loss of my dad. It is so disorienting and for me it’s mornings that are horrible. The moment I’m awake, even way before opening my eyes, within seconds I get hit with the realization that my dad is gone and it’s crippling. It’s scary. I just found this forum at 7 after waking up abruptly at 6:44 AM. When you loose someone who you turn to for advice or reassurance. Someone who truly cares for you and you care for. Someone who would be at your corner and reliable. That is gut wrenching to grieve that person.

 

I am sorry for you. My situation is similar. My husband had a form of muscular dystrophy, but he died suddenly from a deadly heart rhythm. We were in the middle of a conversation and he collapsed. It's been 5 weeks. I feel the same about the void. The last year especially he needed a lot of care because his muscles were getting so weak. But his sudden death came out of the blue. I feel lost. A part of me is gone. It does help to talk to people going through the same thing. I haven't found anyone who hasn't experienced this that understands. Please feel free to talk to me anytime! It will help both of us.