On January 6,2024, I lost my husband of 40 years. He was the love of my life, my rock, soft place to fall, my everything. I was with him when he took his last breathes. While I wouldn't have been anywhere else, I replay that in my head frequently, it haunts me. He had two really good days before he passed, and I dream of those days, and after waking up, I and a wreck for days afterwards. I cannot stop crying. I have a support system, 2 grown sons and neighbors who are like family who are always willing to listen. At this point, sometimes I feel like maybe they are tired of my tears, even though they don't say so. I don't go out alot, I'm just not mentally up to it, so I spend alot of time home alone. This is the first time I've ever lived on my own, (besides 7 cats), and the adjustment has been so hard. I don't feel like I can move on with my life alone I chose this because I just can't attend a public forum for my grief, but feel like I need support from those who have walked the path. I'm not religious in any way, so I take no comfort from those types of words. I just want to try and relate to those who know.
Hello Reina, my condolences for the loss of your beloved husband. My heart reaches out to you, I too am walking that path, and more often than not it's a nightmare that I still can't believe came true. For reasons I don't know, our support systems fade and become either mediocre or non-existent. So we reach out, like you've done here at GIC. You'll find a very supportive group here, so keep checking in. Be gentle with yourself during this long journey - a journey to our new self. ~ Michael
Thank you for your kind words. I'm still reeling from this nightmare. May I ask how long you've been a widower? I'm just 6 months into this journey and I'm finding impossible to get past my overwhelming heartache
Hi Reina, my partner of 30 years, Edward, passed 18 months ago. The first 6 months was like walking on broken glass barefoot. That was the period of time when my faith in God was the only thing providing inspiration to breathe. I was a mess. I couldn't eat, brush my teeth, go outside or travel around town, too many memories of him. I was also faced with some personal health issues which will likely lead to my demise within a few years - and that's ok, I'll get to be with Edward again. From that point forward I learned how to reclaim some type of daily routine - that was key to re-centering myself, and reminding myself that I was still alive and needed to have better self care in order to survive. I still don't go out much, don't feel the need to; I'd rather stay home since this is where I feel Ed's presence the most. I still don't eat much, I've essentially lost my taste for life. I don't know what the future looks like really. I just know that I'll never be the same and my days are bittersweet and melancholy. I have no plans on 'searching' for another companion, my heart is still devoted to Edward. I will keep going to therapy, take my medication (I'm bipolar), and rely on God to help with the rest. I also have four cats that get me up each day at sunrise - they make me smile and give me something to look forward to during the day. Stay strong to survive, and remain vulnerable enough so that your true feelings can be expressed. Keep coming back to GIC to share your experience. You'll get good feedback and support from all of us walking the same walk. Blessings to you ~ Michael
Hi Reina. I wanted you to know that I also have been through a similar loss. 5 yrs ago my 34 yr old suddenly died and 2 yrs ago my husband passed after a short horrible whole body cancer. I was also there for his last breath. I hope we can stay in touch. Perhaps it would be good for both of us. Hope to hear from you! Sue
