So it's been just over a month now since I lost my husband. He had what he thought was a "bug" - running a fever and coughing. For about 5 days, I begged him to go to the ER or get an appointment with our doctor, but he said it would pass and refused to do so until Friday morning (January 17th). When we finally went in, he had Flu A, pneumonia, and MRSA in his lungs. Within a few hours, he was sedated and put on a ventilator. He died 10 days later. I saw our doctor this Tuesday and she was appalled. She said, "But he was healthy, perfect labs, no sign of anything - that shouldn't have killed him!". But it did. We were so much in love. We shared so much of every day. I was working full time and he was a disabled veteran, but we talked throughout the day and shared every moment we could. He was my closest friend and companion as well as my husband. I don't even know how to make it without him. My days run together and the finances are tight now. It's just unbelievable that he is gone.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sudden unexpected losses are the worst. In December of 2023, I lost my wife of 34y unexpectedly to a pulmonary embolism. She went in for foot surgery. All was fine. Then suddenly she passed. One minute she was there, the next she was gone. It has been a rough go since then. What helped me was participating in GriefShare, a Christian based group therapy centering around loss/grief. This helped me more than anything. I will pray that you find solace and piece going forward. I feel for you…
Renee: This is such a difficult time and I understand what you are feeling, it is a horrible sense of loss. I wish I had something to tell you that would ease the pain, but there just are not any words for this. Kasey
Renee, Hi this is Jenifer. I REALLY feel your pain. The love of my life for 39 years, my husband, "graduated" February 19 and I am gutted. He suffered from Parkinson's since 2016, broke his hip June 2024, and never could stand up on his own after that. He was bedridden until a week before his passing, I got the flu. I could hardly crawl out of bed to care for him every two hours. Then one morning, he was barely responsive; I called ambulance, etc. Doctors in ER said his kidneys were failing he had staph infections, pneumonia. He died 48 hours later. I think the staph was from the hip surgery. He caught my flu and that was the end. I know how terrifying this is for you, because I am still experiencing the same emptiness. Nobody can hear me, where I live, so when I shout out loud for my husband, nobody can hear me. I cry and call out his name, and cry and cry. My husband and I were together almost everyday because for many years before retirement, we were both self-employed and worked from home. I do not know how I will go on without my husband. I am not doing very well at it, but I have a lot of paperwork to close his business, etc. That is a temporary distraction, but when evening comes, I fall apart, again. I loved cooking and baking for my husband, now, I can barely eat. I end up freezing most of anything I do buy at the store, and I eat yogurt, toast and eggs. My husband and I were also very much in love and my best friend and full time companion. I really really know how your loss has effected you. The only way I can describe my loss is that I am "gutted". I understand the tight finances, too. I think you just need to do the minimum paperwork that a widow is required to do , do your best at your work (it is a healthy , temporary distraction from your grieving). If you have friends or family near you, let them distract you, get you out of the house, as much as possible. I do not have anybody, where I live, and it makes my grieving worse. When you return to an empty house, you will be back to the realization of your loss. I do not know how either of us will adjust, but we will, somehow. I talk to my husband all day and night, just as if he were with me. It helps me, maybe it would help you, too. The important thing is to take care of your own health. I find going on a walk helps lift my mood. I still can't listen to music because it reminds me of my husband and I cry; however, music is very healing, if you can handle it. I personally believe that the spirit of my husband lives. Its his spirit that I love. I meditate in hopes of maybe someday hearing thoughts from him during my meditation. It gives me hope. I am here for you, if you need to reach out. I am giving you a big hug. Know that somebody else is suffering much like you and we need to be here for each other and pray that the pain lessens a little bit every month. Be well and talk to him. I personally believe that he can hear you.
Hello Jennifer, I am so glad you replied to my post. Thanks for the big hug. It's been four months now. I am still gutted, but I am learning to cope a little better. I have found some means of acceptance. I created a space to honor him and places things of significance like his flag, our picture, and some other things on a tabletop in the living room. I also took off my rings and placed them in the box they were in when we got engaged. It's there too, along with his own rings. I still cry a lot some days, a little on others. Sometimes I remember things with a smile, some days I can't find my smile. But I am moving forward as I know he would want me to do. My heart is buried with him and I know there will still be a lot of cloudy, stormy days; but right now, I am thankful for some sunny days too!
Renee, Bravo, you are moving forward much much better than I. I had to drop what I was doing and get on this website for moral support. I tried to go through 3 cabinets filled with hundreds of Pendaflex folders with over 40 years of papers generated by my late husband, including many personal folders. I was trying to sort and trash or save, when a 4"'x6" appointment book fell off of a big stack of papers. I have been crying, now, for 3 hours, and I can't seem to settle down. That calendar/appointment book was from the year we met, and Terry had written about our first phone call, our first date and every other date and if we went to a movie, to dinner, a friend's house. I never realized he was this sentimental. It just opened up the big hole in my heart. I know that I must think positive thoughts, try to smile and even laugh, but you know how hard that is. I will try to keep moving forward and think of the progress that you have made. Have a better weekend this weekend than last weekend!
