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Lost my daughter's father

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by Jess6209, Mar 29, 2021.

  1. Jess6209

    Jess6209 New Member

    I meet him when I was 14 im 30 now we started dating when I was 16 he was 10 years old then me but we had a great connection at first. After the first few months he became abusive. We stayed together for 8 years had a beautiful daughter. A year or two before I got pregnant with my daughter what when the addition came into play it started with pills anger resentment and just spirled out of control. I ended are relationships when our daughter was 4 yrs old the fighting was to much for her and me. The drugs control every aspect of our lives. Trying to hid money from him so I could feed our daughter and pay our bills it all became to much so I had him leave and I think thats when he broke. He loved us ther was no question in that but he couldn't choose us over the drugs. We tried to co parent for 5 years after we split he would have a few weeks of being clean and trying to see our daughter but then he would sink back into the hole.alittle over 6 months ago I got the phone call at 12 am telling me he overdosed in a bathroom. My whole world just stop. I dint know what to do who to call and worst of all have to tell my 11yr old her father is gone. I feel guilty.i keep thinking what if I could have just put up with the abuse and stuck it put would he still be here? would my daughter still have her father? I used to wish he would just get out of our lives so he couldn't hurt us anymore. And I feel my wish is what killed him. No one even checks on me to see if I'm alright they think since we spit I don't have any feelings and everyday gets harder and harder for me. This years has taken a lot from my daughter and me
     
  2. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for all you and your daughter have suffered through. I can certainly identify with your circumstances. Our 50 year old son started on drugs when he was in high school and is still on them. I tried to continue our relationship until about a year ago. He came to our house and did some damage to his father's truck tires. The sheriff placed a restraining order and I told our son I thought we shouldn't see each other. It had gotten to the point you were at, where I just felt like I couldn't go on with the craziness of the unpredictable behavior. He left town about a year ago and we haven't heard from him since. It does cause a great sense of guilt, even though it was making our lives extremely stressful. Blame the cause of his problems and death on the drugs, not on yourself.