My mom ate 90 pain killers in 2018 on thanksgiving night. She heavily premeditated this. I blew all 200k in life insurance benefits traveling and paying off debts. I hate myself for how I’ve reacted to her death. I hate her for thinking money is what I needed. My kids have no idea who their grandma is. things have only gotten worse in 2 years. Im separated from my children’s father, and I’m going through the same divorce my mother went through and ultimately destroyed her. I’m pissed. She ruined thanksgiving. I’m pissed I played my part and ruined my own family. I have no idea how this gets better. I’m alone as I have ever been. The people in my life are just as depressed and losing their shit with alcoholism and complete avoidance. I pray god sends me someone. I can’t do this alone. I can’t live alone.
