Lost husband from Covid and I feel lost

Discussion in 'Loss to COVID-19' started by Mitziemaud, Nov 18, 2020.

  1. Mitziemaud

    Mitziemaud Member

    I lost my husband to Covid in April. I feel so lost without him. We were married 33 years. I seem to be struggling now more than ever. I miss him so much. He was 56 years old. It happened so quickly. It rocked me and my childrens world. I don’t like to tell people out there that he died from covid. Somehow they feel they understand it/him because of how much this has affected the entire world and they themselves. But I just feel that unless you lost a close loved one from this, I don’t feel a person could quite understand. I too have been isolated, grounded, kept away, lost income and that is all very awful. But it’s nothing compared to losing my best friend and the love of my life. I’ve had three family members die and it was a terrible loss. But I didn’t have to hear about the way they died every waking moment for months and months after. I find it unbearable. I apologize if I sound very angry. I guess I am. I’m hoping saying this out loud in a safe place will help heal me and get over my anger. My husband would always tell me “ya got to get that stuff out or it’ll kill ya”
    It feels like it is. Anyway thank you for listening.
  2. Singh50

    Singh50 New Member

    Hi! Hope you are hanging in there. I don’t really understand the depths of your loss but I get it how little those who have not lost someone to COVID, how hard it is to get this grief. I hear that you are angry, I am too. I lost a family member and people visiting didn’t care to wear masks. I am trying to focus on honoring memories so have and not focus on people. You knew love, many of us don’t get that. Take care of yourself.
  3. Mitziemaud

    Mitziemaud Member

    Thank you for your caring and understanding reply. I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope you can find peace and healing. I find that when I vent it in a safe place with understanding people, it helps a little. It doesn’t take the pain away, but at least it lessons it for a bit. And sometimes it’s enough to help get me through a day. Thanks again. Anne Marie
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I understand where you’re coming from. And you’re right, people may act like they understands cause covid is talked about constantly. But they don’t get it. My guess is that people are trying to be understanding and supportive. But they really don’t understand at all. I have always felt extra sorry for people who lost loved ones to 911, having to relive that tragedy every single year. What you’re going through is similar to that I think. I’m so sorry!
    You're allowed to be angry, and in the scheme of things your loss is very resent. And as time goes on in some aspects it feels worse. I just passed the 2 year mark. I question how am I still here. The second year hurts in different ways from the first and people think you should be ok by now. But we were together for 44 years, our love still growing everyday. That doesn’t turn off like a switch. So yes, vent all you want. This is a safe place. No judgement, just people who get what you’re going through. This time of year is especially difficult for us all. And I lost my husband a week before Thanksgiving in 2018. Lost in 2 hours from a massive heart attack. The holidays, the stores the happiness all around are emotional triggers.
    Take care of you, you’re husband would want you to he’s with you forever but in different ways. ❤️
  5. Mitziemaud

    Mitziemaud Member

    Thank you so much for kindness and understanding. It makes such a difference to speak with people who understand. And you are right people are just doing their best to help. I have always been so rational in the past. I’ve always been the first to understand that people try their best and to always give them a little slack. And I’m not someone who hasn’t had her share of difficulty. But I’ve always been able to be understanding and be forgiving of others through it all. I think that has made this all the more difficult. It’s that I know it intellectually, but my heart hurts so bad, that I’m letting my emotions take over. I’ll tell myself “this is not rational to be angry and resentful” but my emotions say “I don’t care I am”. It’s as if I not only lost my husband, but I lost a part of me.
    I’m so sorry for your loss. So sudden, so close to the holidays and after so many years of marriage. How difficult that must be, especially this time of year. But you are still here and not only that, you are reaching out and giving comfort to others. That gives me hope. It gives me hope that I will be able to do this. I will be able to continue to live and maybe even find that kind and understanding part of myself again. Thank you for reaching out to me. It really does make a difference. Anne Marie