Our family was absolutely decimated by covid this month. 3 members of our family died. My husband's brother 37 yrs old. My step daughter, 26 years old and my husband, 47. My husband and his daughter died in the ICU on the same day. The entire family is devastated. But my husband. My love. My best friend. We had a wonderful relationship. His sons are only 17 and 18 yrs old. The night is the worst. Sleep eludes me, even if I take something to help. I had my first nightmare about him last night. I just want to hold him. Hold his hand again. I sat 8 hours a day in the hospital with him... Every day. This fear, sadness and loneliness that comes so suddenly and destroys you over and over. Sigh. His name was Brandon. He was honest and loyal, hysterically funny and so smart.
Hi, Angelique I’m sorry about the death of your husband, Brandon. My name is Bernadine, I’m kinda new here- my partner, Kenn died early last month. I’ve heard many here talk about nighttime being the hardest so, you’re not alone but I’m not sure that helps. Adding in a nightmare just doesn’t seem fair. For me it’s morning, waking up to a whole day ahead without him. I was shutting my computer down and your post came up. I wanted you to know we’re here, I find it helpful to have a place where people understand how this kind of loss ieven This a good group and I’m sure others will be along to welcome you tomorrow.
Oh my goodness Angelique I am terribly sorry for your multiple loss. My name is Gary and I’ve been on GIC almost 2 months now. I can’t imagine what you are going through. One loss is devastating alone. We have a member here who has experienced multiple loss too. I’m glad you did not get the covid. I lost my girlfriend Cheryl almost 8 months ago. Our relationship was like yours with Brandon. I had never experienced a true love and friendship with another human in my life till I met Cheryl. Cheryl’s death was a horrible sudden event. There were no warning signs. We had a wonderful evening the night before. Cheryl had a cardiac arrest caused by obstructive sleep apnea in our home. Like you I was getting minimal sleep using sleep meds along with antidepressants. Sleep has gotten some better now. On the site centers for loss.com there is free information to help you start your grief journey. Please read 6 needs of reconciliation for the Mourner. This gives you an overview of grief. Three months going after losing Cheryl I still thought I was losing my mind. If you are experiencing this don’t worry it is normal. This information is in the article above. On GIC I have found real compassion understanding love and shared experiences. I found a local in person grief support group but it only meets twice monthly. GIC fills in the gaps. Please stay connected with us. You are never alone here. Gary
Thank you so much for your warm welcomes. I truly appreciate the support. It's only been 9 days. I hate the ups and downs and sudden moments of panic that hit unexpectedly. I tried taking care of some bills today. I had to find new health insurance for our family. I stopped for the day when I cried trying to pay one of his bills. I sat in his chair and talked to him. I'm having nightmares of him in hospitals. I'm going over ever detail of the day or two before before he went to the hospital, wondering if I messed up. He went to the hospital in an ambulance... I threw his cell phone in a bag with him.... Why didn't I put it in his hand? Maybe he wanted to call us..... Instead the next call I got was the doctor saying he was being vented. My daughter has been staying with me... She went home for a couple nights. I'm going to try to sleep in my bed for the first time. With music and a light on. I think. It's also my stepsons 19th birthday. His dad is gone... And his sister. So sad for his boys.
Angelique, Here’s what I can offer if it’s helpful. I can say with confidence that you didn’t mess up. We make difficult decisions in difficult times and can always look back with the ‘what if’ and when you add grief the what ifs get loud. Most of us here have experience with that. What if, If only, Why did/didn’t….we have to be gentle with ourselves. The permanence of death makes those questions unanswerable. Triple whammy. You’re doing good, honest. ~B
Angelique I bought a white noise machine that has helped me sleep. Aventek is the manufacturer and it has 20 different sounds from rain falling crackling of a fire wind trains ocean crowed restaurant many fan noises. I got it on amazon for $50. Permission to Mourn is a book that a lot of us have read. Lou discovered the book. I’ve read 4 books on grief and this has been the most helpful. I got it on amazon too used and cheap. Tom Zuba is the author and he lost his 18 month old daughter then his wife 9 years later and then his son 7 years after that. I’m guessing on the time but this book has helped us think outside the box. The only way to get over grief is to walk through it and that sucks. But it’s the only way to heal. Please give it a try. I’m glad you’re meeting people here. I’ve been out of sorts today. Tomorrow is another day though. Take care. Gary
Angelique, My heart aches for your losses. I am glad you found this site. My wife Lizzy passed on October 29th at 39. I spent two weeks in the hospital with her. I miss her everyday. She was my best friend, my whole life. Some days are worse than others. My brain feels like mush, simple decisions are complicated. I know words can't heal your pain but you are not alone. -Chad
