I didn't know where else to go. I found my mom's obituary online today. She passed away 13 days ago. The memorial service is Saturday in another state. The last words I spoke with my mom were over 30 years ago. There was extensive trauma, religious and sexual abuse, and so much secrecy and pain in my family. I don't know what to do. I knew that some day this day would come. I have been numb and unable to feel anything, to shaking, nauseous, and a splitting headache, to having some waves of thawing out of the numbness and feeling angry and alone. The reality that the answers I have longed for from her will never come now is sinking in. I feel like no one can understand. This is so complicated. I am feeling really alone.
it's "normal" that we feel alone, however, apparently we are not. it will be a difficult journey ahead, i wish you the best.
