Loss for addiction is so hard

Hi everyone...i lost my partner for alcoholic addiction 3 years ago...it's still a trauma! Even if i feared for him at the time, when it happened it was a huge devastation for me...the hardest times in my life!
Now the hard pain is lessen but i'm missing him all the time...'cos he was a sweet tender funny loving man and our life together was the best part of my life!
The addiction was only one part of him...but it was that the caused his death!
I feel that he wasted his life and our life...i am angry with him... Sometimes i think: you damn addictions...you leaves behind you so hard despair and pain!!!
I can't console myself...i'm looking good to the others but inside me i want him back and my life with him back!
I miss the man not the addiction!
English is not my language...i only want to share my emotions with someone who knows them! Thanks Roxi

 

Hey Roxi. My name is Joe. I recently loss my wife of 10 years on April 10, 2021. I lost her to alcohol addiction as well. I know you don't me from the next stranger on the street, but everything that you have written I can relate to 100%. My wife was the most kindest soul you could ever meet, huge gentle heart, and accepted anyone and everyone with open arms. She never judged anyone, she was a funny person, loving, the best thing that has ever happened to my in my life. She was my rock, she was my guiding light on a stormy night.

You say that he wasted his and your lives, but I can promise you it wasn't him that did the wasting, it was the demons of the addiction. Yes, just like you I am angry with my wife for leaving me so suddenly, but it wasn't her that took herself away from me, it was her addiction. I know my wife and she is a fighter and I know in my heart that she fought as hard as she could to not leave me alone.

Yes addiction is an ugly horrible thing. It destroys lives, relationships, families, friendships...but you have to remember it's not the person who does the destroying, its the addiction. I know it is hard to realize, and I pray that one day you can see that.

I pray that you find comfort, peace, and acceptance of the destruction that addiction has. You are not alone. Please accept my prayers and whatever support I can provide to you seeing how we both lost a loved one to the same devastating disease.

Joe

 

Joe thanks so much...it's a huge comfort for me find someone who can understand...yes i know that it was the addiction that took him away...but sometimes i feel so lonely without him that i have to find someone to blame for my unhappiness...and so i'm angry that a special man like him is not here anymore...!!
You are so great...your pain is so fresh and you are able to understand why your wife did it, for me is still mysterious why a man so creative so great so tender who were a light in this world not only for me...could walk on this self-destructive path! It's a long speech and i'm new on this forum...i don't know if there is a way to connect with you in a more private way...
Thanks for your kind reply and understanding...and for your prayers!
Hope someday we will find peace and acceptance
Hugs Roxi

 

Roxy,

I still don't fully understand why my wife let things get as bad as they did. I just know that I have been around addiction long enough to know how it works. The one thing that I will never get is answers as to why. I just know that in time I will have to accept the fact that it happened without the answers.

Trust me I am new to to this forum myself. I'm learning a little more about this forum each day. Maybe there is a way to connect in a more personal way. Just don't know how to go by doing that. But that would be nice.

 

Joe i think we can't fully understand why they did that until the extreme conseguences...i think they hadn't no choice! Anyway i felt guilty for so long to not having be able to save him!
Now i learned that we did the best we can...it's impossible to save someone else if they can't save themselves! I learned that my anger was the normal reaction to as situation like that...but i'm keeping feel bad remember that days...i'd like change something i did or i didn't!
I'm missing him every minutes, the life with him was so beautiful... Take good care of you Roxi

 

I know exactly where you are coming from. So where are you from? How can I communicate with you?

 

I send to you a message on your profile...i think is like a private conversation!
Hope it works...Roxi