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Lack of Interest

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by PhyllisG, Feb 25, 2017.

  1. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    I believe I have reached a new phase of this grief roller coaster I don't believe will ever stop. Basically, I seem to have lost all interest any EVERTHING. Most days, I honestly do not care about anything, about anybody, or anything to do with anything. I have watched myself become the most angry person...I am starting not recognize myself. I do not want to feel this way!! This just is not me....but I have no idea what to do.
     
  2. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Dear Phyllis:
    I don't recall if I have ever communicated with you and so I don't actually recall who you lost and when. I am sorry though for your pain. Having been there numerous times within the last 15 years, I can honestly say that I do know how you feel. Although anger is a natural response, both you and I know it's not good for you to feel that way over a prolonged period of time. That's why you posted your message. Please allow me to share how I dealt with my anger and grief and perhaps you can take away something from what I'm going to say.

    For the past 15 years, I also have been on an emotional rollercoaster. One loss right after the next. Throw in betrayal, infidelity and truly finding out who my friends were, you could say that I was a hot mess. And yes, I was angry for a very long time and like you, I became a person I never was. I didn't much like myself for a very long time. And then one morning I got up so exhausted and depressed from the anger, that I decided to do something about it.

    The first very hard decision I made was to quit drinking any alcohol at all. I suppose you could say that because I drank to numb my pain, that I had turned into an alcoholic. That's not who I wanted to be. So I stopped all on my own. Yes, it was very hard, but I wasn't doing my body any good, let alone my mind. It's going on a year in May and even though there are a lot less people around to express how proud they are of me...I'm proud of myself.

    The next thing I did was change my eating habits...totally. Cut out all the garbage and started to eat healthy. Not only did I feel much better, but so far I've lost 35 lbs. Again...something good for me.

    Still not enough though to get rid of the angry feeling I was having every single day that life was just not fair. So I thought about the things I still had to be grateful for and I realized it was much more than a lot of people. It was at that point that everything changed. Not only did I decide to do all the things that at one time gave me joy, but I was on a mission to help other people who needed it. For myself, I enjoyed the outdoors a lot more and started to move around more than I had. I also started riding my horse more often because that always made me happy. And I picked up writing my journals again, and that helped for me to vent my feelings and gave me a sense of being heard...which is something we all need.

    As for helping others....I started to volunteer during the week, since I stopped working last year. Three days a week I go to an assisted living home for the elderly and I visit people who have no family left. I think I do this because I miss both my parents terribly and I know all too well what it feels like to be alone. It is amazing how much joy you can bring to a total stranger. I now have 3 "adopted grandparents." I also go to an animal shelter the other 2 days and help to socialize cats and dogs who have been abandoned and are up for adoption. Many of them have been abused and they just need some love . This is also something I identify with and I also love animals. Every time one of these animals is placed in a loving home, I know I did something worthwhile.

    What I guess I'm trying to share with you is that you have to get engaged again with life. Think about the true you or who you would like to be and then go for it. Nope, it's not easy at all. You really have to push yourself, which is what I did. But it really pays off because I feel so much better.

    I hope you find your passion and the strength to take one day at a time and start to live life again.

    Please reach out if you'd like to chat.

    Take care~Ellen
     
  3. Gitta

    Gitta Member

    Dear
    Dear PhyllisG,
    I feel the same way, lost my husband of48 years last June.
    Cannot get my act together, I am so sad or so angry, cannot concentrate on anything.
    It is a circle I am in and I cannot come out, so I know how you feel.
    Hope you are ok
    Gitta
     
  4. LuAnn

    LuAnn New Member

    I'm told that helping others helps you....but it's hard to find that place to start. I just had my hip replaced Tuesday so I'm hoping that will get me moving anyway!
    Baby steps.....baby steps...
     
  5. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi LuAnn- I agree completely! Helping others does help, but only when you're ready. And recognize how helping others doesn't always have to mean volunteering for several hours a week. Eventually you may have the energy for that. But for now, just know how helpful it is for you to be here and share your story. In so many ways that is such a huge help to the others who need it. Wishing you a speedy recovery~
     
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