Just when I thought things were getting better

A bit of a crash day. Ate everything that wasn't nailed down, shopped and tried to think of anything to do to not miss him. Sometimes this song seems appropriate:

 

I'm sorry you had a moment with Mr. GRIEF today. Its definitely something that we.all go through. Its up and down days. Praying for your strength. My daughter had a moment today too. From what I heard of the song it spoke things from our hearts. I can't listen to a lot of music. It's a big trigger for.me. Sounds like you did some shopping therapy. Hope u got some good things. Its good to.have a place to come and talk about your feelings and someone understands where u coming from.

 

Sherry, just stumbled on your " Just when I
thought things were getting better" thread.
I believe it was written at 10:13 am one
morning, That is my wife, Linda's
birthday. I see her birth date, often , when
I look at my watch, in the morning , or
at night, or when I'm either sending a post,
or receiving a post , from TGW. Whenever
this happens, I pay attention that it's a
sign from Linda that she's watching over
me, and meeting my friends, on or off
GIC, and it is comforting. The importance
of seeing signs from our soulmates. who
are no longer by our sides, physically, is
emphasized by Tom Zuba, in his book,
Permission to Mourn, and in his lectures
on YouTube. I recommended Zuba to
TGW. It was suggested to me by my
grief counselor. Many GW , including
Deb, Gary, and Karen , comment on
Zuba's book, and Deb has read the
sequel. I know that you are a retired writer
yourself, so I'll be interested in your take
on it. I've enjoyed corresponding with
you on other threads, and hope the above
mentioned GW will find you & welcome you back. I'm glad I was persistent in
finding out that your name is Sherry, and
your dear husband's is Gerry. Lou

 

Hi Lou-
Again- thank you for the encouragement. Took a couple of days away- have had some physical problems.
You asked what my take is on the importance of seeing signs from our soulmates...
I personally take anything that reminds me of our relationship, whether positive or negative, as a fresh memory in my heart. I savor it for a moment, then move on. If it is really painful, I offer it up to God because I just cannot bear it. The reason for that is I know that we are vulnerable and lonely and it has the possibility of making us live in the past when there is still life to be lived. It is a challenge to keep on everyday when sometimes the world seems like a strange place. And, actually, that opinion and a couple of dollars will buy you a cup of coffee. LOL.

 

Sherry, you gave me a funny sign from
Linda. The coffee quote was one of.her
favorites. Thank you. Lou

 

Hi. This is my first reply. I stumbled across this thread so if I'm not doing this correctly then I apologize. Today I was thinking the same thing. My husband died two days before valentines day. I thought that by now I should be starting to move on but I'm not. I feel like I'm getting worse. Suddenly, I'm not sleeping, I cry constantly on and off all day everyday. No one calls me anymore and I feel like they have all moved on and just left me behind. I'm not suicidal but death seem like a welcome relief to this agonizing pain in going through. I miss my husband and I don't know ifI'm going to get through this. Anyway, I completely understand how you are feeling. I'll pray for you.

 

Sue, the death of your dear husband and
soulmate is so recent. I am deeply sorry.
You did a wise & brave thing to join us on
GIC. My wife , Linda, died suddenly, right in
front of me. She was 68. The shock of seeing her collapse, drove me to seek a
grief counselor. I didn't care if I lived, or
died. I sobbed all the time. Linda was my
best ( & only) friend and family. We were
married 25 years , no children. I noticed
you live in Illinois. One of my younger
"brothers" on this site, is George, who also
lives in Illinois. I live on the northern coast
of Massachusetts. May I ask your husband's name ? It has helped me, and
other members here, to say the names of
out soulmates. I know you & I are in
different time zones. I woke up , briefly,
at 2:30am, and checked in with GIC. I found you right away in my email. It doesn't matter what "thread" you choose.
"Just when things got better" is a good
one. Some people post, then stay away
for a while. I miss Sherry ( Quiet Lady),
who brought us music videos. If you
don't feel like posting, you can always
attach "LIKE" to one of our comments.
so we know you're " listening". The fact that your husband died right before
Valentine's Day, is very sad. Linda died
3 & a half years ago, right before
Thanksgiving, as did Robin's husband,
Ron. Hope you stay with us, Sue. Lou

 

I'm sorry for your loss. You are in the right place. Being among people that have gone through the same thing is much easier than talking to people that haven't had the same type loss. They don't understand what you going through. Thats why they stop checking on you. Grief is no easy fix. You have lost a part of so you may feel the affects of that for a while . There is no time limit and it all depends on the individual. Your loss is still fresh so its going to take time to get stronger. It has been 2 years since I lost my Gant and nights are still rough for me. Its like my body says I can't sleep without him. Its rougher during the summer months because I'm off. Well off one job. Lol! We have 2 young kids that are very active. They are what keep me going. I know without them I'd stay in bed and probably sleep during the day to catch up on the sleep.i miss at night. They are my motivation. Take deep.breaths and get as much fresh air as possible. It'll help a little. I pray for your strength as each day pass.

 

Thank you so much Lou. My husband's name was Tom and he was my best friend for 45 years. I truly don't know how I'm going to move on but I guess I must. I just miss him so much.
Sue

 

Thank you so much for your kind words. I don't know if I'm going to ever recover from this but I guess I have to try. It's just so quiet and lonely here. I need a job or something to keep me busy and wear me out. I'm grateful for this group because I'm really feeling alone right now. Even my kids have moved on as they should. I just haven't or can't. I'm stuck.

 

Sue, thank you so much for sharing Tom's
name. Even though Linda & I were
married 25 years, as opposed to your 45,
I cry a little every morning before I walk
outside. Walking in nature, and talking
with friends , new & old, keeps me going.
I check in with GIC every day, and even in
the middle of night, if I happen to wake up.
A book that I recommended to our group,
is The Widower's Notebook, a memoir, by
Jonathan Santlofer.His wife of 40 years,
Joy, collapsed & died right in front of him,
like Linda did with me. The book is an
honest , sometimes humorous story of a
marriage, with its' ups & downs. I have
the book by my bed, and reread some of
the lighter, funnier chapters. I also
suggested Permission to Mourn, by Tom
Zuba. Lou

 

Great to see you on here, Patti, as always,
helping others. Thank you for giving me
credit for suggesting the books. I know
you're struggling physically, as well as
mourning Jack. In spite of that, you're so
kind to welcome & comfort Sue. Just
woke up, & will try to go back to sleep.
Hope you sleep well, too. Lou

 

Hi Sue, I am so truly sorry for your loss.Just as our dear friends Lou, Sweetcole, Patti have comforted you, I also want to reach out to you and wish you peace and strength. I lost my darling soulmate a year and a half ago, suddenly and unexpectedly, but for me it was just yesterday. I relive those last moments of his life over and over again from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep at night, and often continue during the night too. We were married 25 years just like Lou. Talking to our friends on this site who are in the same sad situation is definitely helping me get through my day. We can all relate to each other's feelings, giving each other courage to carry on. You are not alone, dear Sue.
Rose.

 

Rose, woke up at almost 5am, and read your emotional words to Sue. I was like
you at the year & a half mark, and couldn't
get my last image of Linda's collapse ( and
death , soon after) out of my head. But, I had 2 things going for me, which you do not. 1st, I went to a grief counselor, who
listened to my sobbing, at first, and then,
suggested books and GIC. 2nd, a friend,
who's the first person to know of Linda's
death. She owns a restaurant across the
street from Linda's rehab unit. She never
met Linda, but provided food , which I
could share, while we watched TV in her
room.,The woman is like a daughter to
me ( Linda & I never had children). To this
day, she drives me once a week to the
supermarket. On Thanksgiving,she invited
me to her home. I was the only non family
member. At the holiday dinner, were her
parents, my age, and her 2 high school
kids. Even the family dog welcomed me. On
a much lighter note, I badgered"Sweetcole" for her first name & her soulmate's,like I did with you & other new members. Her name is
Nicole, and her soulmate was Gant.Woke
up too early, so I need a nap. Hope to
"see you" soon, Rose. Lou

 

Hello,
I am sorry that you had a difficult day. I did too but mainly tonight. I was reading a post to where I had replied to another member and I reread my post all about my husband. I can't explain it. I started crying again and going through everything all over again. Does anyone else do that? What I had been reading so far was helping me to feel like I wasn't the only one going through this and then I just lost it again. I am upset that my whole life has been turned upside and I will never see or talk to my husband and best friend Andy again.

 

Hello, in reply to your question: "Does anyone else do that?", the answer from me is YES, all the time. First of all, may I express my total sympathy and condolences for having lost the love of your life. My heart goes out to you. We are are all going through the same pain here, you will find great people on this site to share your feelings with and find much comfort. They have definitely helped to keep me sane. And to think we live across the oceans from each other (Italy)!
Only others who have also lost a soulmate can understand what we're going through. My C and I were married twenty five years (had just celebrated our silver wedding anniversary), when a sudden heart attack cruelly took him away from me and my two grown-up children. I feel like I'm living in a 'time machine'. It's been just over two years, but it seems like yesterday. There are days when my mind is just 'stuck in time', reliving those last moments and the moments leading up to that fateful November Sunday afternoon, over and over again, torturing me and driving me mad. At first, I tended to suppress my feelings but that's worse because they are all coming out now, like a bomb explosion, followed by a long neverending aftermath.

Sending you strength.

 

I'm sorry for your loss. Grief will hit us at unexpected times. We think we in a good place then a song, holiday or even a memory will co.e cross our mind and set off the water works. Time will make you stronger and it want happen as often but there will always be times where it'll stillmake you feel some type way. You're in the right place. Reach out anytime.

 

KLovinggood, I must confess that, at first,
I wasn't going to reply to you. Your user
name sounded familiar, but too much time
had passed. But, then , my memory
clicked, when you said your mother died
in Sept, & your husband, Andy, died in
Nov. I am so sorry.You were brave to say
Andy's name, & that you live in Georgia.
May I ask your first name? My name is
Lou. My wife, Linda, died suddenly,at 68,
4 years ago, after 25 years of marriage. I'm
giving you the brief version, bc it's only
4am, my time, in Massachusetts, and I
need to go back to sleep. I woke up from a
dream, had a snack, and went on Grief in
Common ( GIC), and saw you "talking" with
my friend, Rose, in Italy. My user name is
Van Gogh, but I've used my real first name.
It helped me to write down the names of
people on this site, like CathyLynn, who
hasn't been on GIC for a while, like you.
Welcome back. Lou

 

Hello,
My first name is Karen and I am very new to the site. I joined over the weekend, and I am trying to understand if I think it is helping me or making me more sad, and I hate to say that. Why were you hesitant to reply?