Just lost my mom..

In 2004 I lost my dad to cancer at age 5, and just recently my mom passed as well from cancer in May of 2018. She was my absolute best friend and meant the entire world to me. I took care of her the entire year before she passed. It was amazing but very painful. I am living with my aunt who helps me take care of my twin sisters who are 16. I have no friends and I don’t feel my family is really there for me. I can’t put my trust into anyone to talk. I just feel very alone, lost, and scared. I truly do not know how I am going to make it through life without my mom. It’s only been 2 months. I truly feel my life no longer has purpose with her here. She gave me a reason to live. I just don’t know what I am going to do... if you have been through something similar please share something

 

Sorry to hear that you lost your father at 5 and just recently lost your mom. My mother died suddenly in May, so I am still dealing with that. I don't have anything great to say other than I hope you find this site helpful - even if it is just to vent.

 

Hi Crystal, I'm new here and haven't shared my story yet but I wanted you to know you're not alone and the pain dulls a little bit every year that goes by. I lost my stepdad, my Daddy that raised me from age 5, a month after my 18th birthday. Three weeks after I moved out of their house. (My birth father wasnt in the picture too much due to long distance) I started a relationship that pulled me away from my mother shortly after. I was too young to understand how much we needed each other at the time. I moved out of state with my boyfriend for almost a year..this was maybe 1 1/2 years before she told me she as diagnosed with liver cancer. She told me in the past that she watched my dad through chemo and she didn't want to go through that. When I moved back I didn't know she was sick..i did it because maybe something in my gut told me to go back home. I think she waited until it was too late to tell me. This was the summer of 2013. After I found out it was so painful to watch her deteriorate over a period of weeks/3 months maybe. I was working quite a bit and I was in college. It was so hard for me to see her like that..i mostly just spent nights at home. The time we had together was bittersweet. But I saw way more than any daughter should watch. The day she went to hospice was tbe day I lost my mother. She wasn't the same with all the meds they were using to keep her comfotable. I had to continue working to pay the last month of rent. I really should have just let it go bc I have such horrible regret for leaving her alone. She passed one week later. Once again I was at work. When I saw her she was already so gone. She always wanted me to do her makeup and hair when she died. but I didn't. I have much regret from this time in my life, personally. I think that's what most of my pain is. I'm an only child so I feel like no-one understands what I'm going through. I know that it's been 5 years but I am still struggling so hard to move on with my life. I feel like I have been stuck at 18 for ten years. My parents left me at the worst times of my life..when I needed their guidancd. I have such a hard time connecting with my birth father. He tries so hard and has done so much but I feel like I have lost so many people in my life between family and losing touch with friends that I can't form a relationship anymore. I'm here so that maybe we can all help each other a little bit. ❤

 

Hi Crystal, I'm new here and haven't shared my story yet but I wanted you to know you're not alone and the pain dulls a little bit every year that goes by. I lost my stepdad, my Daddy that raised me from age 5, a month after my 18th birthday. Three weeks after I moved out of their house. (My birth father wasnt in the picture too much due to long distance) I started a relationship that pulled me away from my mother shortly after. I was too young to understand how much we needed each other at the time. I moved out of state with my boyfriend for almost a year..this was maybe 1 1/2 years before she told me she as diagnosed with liver cancer. She told me in the past that she watched my dad through chemo and she didn't want to go through that. When I moved back I didn't know she was sick..i did it because maybe something in my gut told me to go back home. I think she waited until it was too late to tell me. This was the summer of 2013. After I found out it was so painful to watch her deteriorate over a period of weeks/3 months maybe. I was working quite a bit and I was in college. It was so hard for me to see her like that..i mostly just spent nights at home. The time we had together was bittersweet. But I saw way more than any daughter should watch. The day she went to hospice was tbe day I lost my mother. She wasn't the same with all the meds they were using to keep her comfotable. I had to continue working to pay the last month of rent. I really should have just let it go bc I have such horrible regret for leaving her alone. She passed one week later. Once again I was at work. When I saw her she was already so gone. She always wanted me to do her makeup and hair when she died. but I didn't. I have much regret from this time in my life, personally. I think that's what most of my pain is. I'm an only child so I feel like no-one understands what I'm going through. I know that it's been 5 years but I am still struggling so hard to move on with my life. I feel like I have been stuck at 18 for ten years. My parents left me at the worst times of my life..when I needed their guidancd. I have such a hard time connecting with my birth father. He tries so hard and has done so much but I feel like I have lost so many people in my life between family and losing touch with friends that I can't form a relationship anymore. I'm here so that maybe we can all help each other a little bit. ❤

 

Hi Crystal. I want you to know that you will be okay. You will make it through. How do I know? Because I've been there. I was raised by my aunt and uncle since I was 3 so they were essentially my parents. I lost my uncle at 16 and it was very hard for me. At the time I thought well at least I have my aunt. Unfortunately I lost her in 2014. It's been 4 years and I am still standing. I still miss her and like you and your mom, my aunt and I were best friends and she was my whole world. What I would say is don't let anyone take your feelings from you. I had people in my family that wanted me to move on right away and I say fuck that. If you feel a lot of pain it's because there was a lot of love there. It sounds like your mom was an awesome person. I don't have all the answers and still struggle some days with feeling down. Most times I just wish I could talk to my aunt. I don't think I'll never not miss her tho. But what they say about time heals is true.

I would recommend a therapist if you have access to one or can afford one. I know some counselors take insurance. Just make sure you find the right one for you. I tried therapy first at my university counseling center and it was okay for a while and then I tried group counseling. This could be helpful for you because you'd be surprised the things other people have gone through or are struggling with even if it's not grief. I personally had trouble sharing in a group setting and found a counselor off campus that worked really well for me. Just do research before hand. If you go onto psychologytoday.com you can search counselors in your area and see what they specialize in so that you might find the best fit.

It's gonna be okay and good things are gonna happen for you. Don't be afraid to get out a little. Working on things and having a purpose helped me. Volunteering can be really rewarding. Or if you're in school try to get involved in clubs or events. You may not feel like doing these things but it can help from being in a slump. Sometimes I like to just throw paint down on a canvas with no rhyme or reason and I get so caught up in the process it's great. Find an activity like that that works for you. And try to find one thing positive every day even if it's small like drinking a good cup of coffee.

Also note that everyone deals with grief differently. Don't forget that your sisters and aunt are grieving too. Sometimes people don't know how to handle their own emotions. I know I didn't at the time and I still have a few things to work on.

Please remember you are not alone. And if you need to talk to anyone you can message me. I understand how devastated you feel right now. Losing a parent is probably the hardest thing to do. But hey if you can survive that, you can survive anything.