It’s been a hard 18 months

I’m not certain how to go through this messiness of grief. I feel as though the universe is just throwing things at me like a dastardly game of dodgeball that isn’t allowing me time to process before the next ball threatens to clonk me up the back of the head. It started with losing my Mom… followed an exact month later by my best friend. Followed 9 months later by my father. Followed this past weekend by my coworker/friend/extended family member. Each of these losses carried its own drawn out trauma and the losses were interspersed with almost losing my husband three times to sepsis- (we are currently on week 5 of healing from the latest bout of that) and in the months between losing my best friend and my dad, I was caretaking my dad who had dementia. It has been hell- living in a twisted groundhogs day where it’s crisis-death-crisis-death over and over. When I lost my dad, someone told me “all of these losses are going to hit at once. You gave all your attention to your dad and now that he’s gone, all three will hit you at once” . I can’t tell you whether they are right or wrong. I just know I’m exhausted and struggling to process.

 

I am new to this site and saw your post. I am so sorry for the all the losses you've gone through. That is truly a lot to process for anyone. I don't know if you are still on here, but please know, that I saw what you wrote and you have someone you never met praying for you.