Is this a symptom, or am I just a jerk?

(Maybe both? Lol)
I lost a brother 3 weeks ago and have had a lot of feelings, of course, and aspects of all the so-called stages.
I keep wanting to hurry up and get through all this grief stuff and move on with life. My husband and I have plans. And my brother leaving us threw a monkey wrench into it! We were supposed to all hang out soon. That won't happen now. My husband and I want to buy a house. Now my brother will never get to come over.
I'm worried about being too consumed by grief to do all the practical things I need to do, all the "adulting" stuff, and will be set back yet again. We've had many setbacks over the years and this is one more.
I miss my brother. I'm angry he's gone. I'm sad, disappointed, still in denial at the same time. All of it. But I keep feeling like I need to hurry. I guess it might be part of the worry and anxiety that comes with grieving. IDK, it's complicated.

 

Slow down and let yourself grieve. Trust me. I have a similar story, i also had plans and..everything went down the toilet. Well not exactly but I don't have it the way I planned. We just moved back to my hometown, cause my parents are older and need help sometimes and I wanted to be closer and finally we got a rental apartment and we are building our tiny home and suddenly my mom got sick and I lost her at the end of october. I haven't been able to go to work or help much at the house and this big sadness is on me almost all the time. But one thing I feel is that we need time to grieve. All else can wait. And we will be able to do all the things we planned but grief first because if we don't grieve now..it comes at some totally weird time and breaks us. Thats what I believe. Hugs!

 

Some really good advice I was offered when my partner passed away and I needed to keep working - set aside x minutes per day to cry, yell, scream, whatever, to feel and experience the grief. Then, it is ok to focus on work again. This truly helped me be more functional and grieve at the same time

 

Im sure you've heard this before, but writing down emotions helped me a lot. When I read back over the last few years I started very angry and lost and, although it never goes away, it dulls and you can be more realistic about how to turn your felling into productive action. I'm still a work in progress.

 

Thank you Sheila. Yes, I'm a big fan of writing and journaling. My challenge is literally finding the time to do it. That's probably why I've felt like I need to hurry and get through. I have not much time to do anything these days besides work and prepare for work!