Hi, all. I’m new here. It’s not a place I would have ever wanted to be, but it’s what it is. On February 7 I came home around noon from having tires put on the car and found my wife who, to put it as plainly as possible, had shot herself in the head. It was the greatest shock of my life, one that I will probably never get over. I turned 70 a month later, and don’t feel like I have a lot of time. Will I ever have another significant relationship? I think loneliness is something I’m just going to have to adjust to and accept, hard as that is sometimes. But somewhat to my own surprise, I am surviving and making some incremental progress. There are many complex emotions, and sometimes I get completely blindsided by some random thought or memory. I try to keep in mind that this, too, shall pass. I try to stay out of rabbit holes, which is hard. Of course you all know about all of these things. I do know now that I will survive, and my goal is to recover some degree of joy in life. I know that she loved me, and would not have wanted my life to be ruined. I owe it to her, as well as to myself, to carry on. Thank you to whoever reads this and understands. Let’s support one another.
I am very sorry for your great loss. I certainly understand what you have written. Everyone on this site is always understanding and supportive, so you have come to the right place. Continue to stay in touch and share your feelings as you feel led. No feeling is wrong or crazy-we all understand that. They are just feelings. I am glad you have come to a place where you realize you can survive this great tragedy. May God bless you. Chris
