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I'm still numb

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by jerzygirl, Jan 26, 2021.

  1. jerzygirl

    jerzygirl New Member

    My fiance of 5 years recently passed. He became sick at Thanksgiving and was gone by the first week of January.
    I feel lost. I met him online - I lived in Virginia, he was in Minnesota. We hit it off and he became my best friend. We traveled across the country to see each other - I eventually moved to MN, but couldn't find a job and missed my family too much. I came back to VA, and he then moved here to be with me.

    He had his problems (don't we all?). He was an alcoholic - but he kept trying to overcome it to be with me. I told him I could not be with someone who drinks. He had many issues from childhood and very low self-esteem. The final blow for him was when he lost his job as an IT specialist. He was 58 and felt his ability to find another good job was gone. He started drinking again - heavily. I had him move out with the hope that might wake him up - it didn't He once told me he thought that he wasn't going to live to see 40 He almost had a death-wish.
    He ended up drinking himself to death - I had him hospitalized but it was too late. He died of acute liver failure and cirrhosis.

    I miss him so much - I am angry with him, long for him, feel like it is partly my fault - an entire range of emotions. I had to close out all his accounts, clean out his apartment, pack up his belongings, and plan the cremation. He is here with me in spirit.
    I miss him
     
    NaSam likes this.
  2. Josh's Mom

    Josh's Mom New Member

    Virtual hug to you!! April 4, 2015 I lost my oldest son (28 yrs old) to acute narcotic intoxication. Wish I could say it gets better, but it hasn't! I still blame myself!
     
  3. Msteele

    Msteele New Member

    I’m so sorry this has happened, grieving someone who has lost their battle with addiction is so complicated. I lost my ex husband in February to this disease. He had a long battle of 10 years. We knew each other most of our lives and grew up together.
    I feel guilt and anger and compassion for him. Mostly extremely sad for what could have been. Grieving the hope that has been lost.
    I have been talking to a grief therapist and have family around. We have not had a funeral or ceremony yet. There will be one in June. For me that is to far away and I think I will have to plan something myself with a small group.

    I feel alone in this process because not many people understand my position.
    I give my self time(usually at night to cry) but sometimes it just comes all day.
    I hope you can find peace in part of your day.
    It sounds like you’ve had to deal with a lot of the exhausting logistics. I have had to also deal with some of those things. I have to remember to give myself a break and rest, eat and try to do the basics. And sometimes know that its ok if I can’t do it all on a certain day.
    Grief is honoring that person’s life. I know that the addiction didn’t define who was, it wasn’t who he was, he was so much more. The addiction replaced who he was and he couldn’t find his way back. It was not anyone’s fault and we tried as hard as we could to help in so many different and difficult ways. I have to keep remembering that.
     
    NaSam likes this.