I'm a newbie here

Discussion in 'Loss of Both Parents' started by Challenger, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. Challenger

    Challenger New Member

    In 2016 I lost my dad to a stroke. Just before the stroke he had a physical and was pronounced healthy. He, my mom and my family went to lunch to celebrate my daughter's birthday and 36 hours later he had a major stroke. He suffered from July to November when he passed away, he was 87. He and I were very close and it was hard. Eleven months later my mom passed away and she was 83. Again, very close and it was doubly hard. Then, one month after her death my sister informed me she had stage 4 cancer and 8 months later, August 2018, she passed away.

    In my family we were taught that when one member of the family is sick or in trouble the family pulls together. I went to my dad's nursing home every day for the months he was there. At the end he wasn't conscious and I doubt he knew where he was or who was there. When my mom went to assisted living with various health problems the family pulled together and we were there daily . We knew she had little time left as her doctor gave her 6 months to live in August of 2017. She failed rapidly and passed away on the 24th of December 2017. When my sister told what was left of the family that she, too, was dying it was very hard. I mean c'mon, 3 deaths in 3 years?

    Now that its been a while since 3/5ths of the family has passed its only my brother and I. I still find myself unable to fully move on. I'm employed full time, married to a wonderful woman and have 1 daughter and 2 grandkids. I've gained 50 pounds, broke my knee in May, been stressed out to the max (hence the 50 pounds) and in short need to destress and calm down. That's the problem, I can't seem to do it.

    Each little thing stresses me or upsets me. I can't seem to focus, can't get excited about my hobbies, find little enjoyment in things that really used to excite me and destress me and in short, I feel like a basket case.

    Anybody have any ideas of what I can do?
  2. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Most here know what you are saying. The raw nerve thing is real. I had to turn off the TV and any coming at you electronics Conversations with real and healthy people is helpful. Some times talking about the situation but sometimes any thing but. There is a book Healthy Healing. Basic consideration Michelle Baumgard will tell you is endorphin should be your drug of choice. She had a substantial loss walked the talk. Speaking to a Hospice grief counselor and having someone hear all of your thoughts and feelings. The basket is real and should be attended to. These are a few ideas. I have many more should you like a list and others can add. Best to you. Be Well Paul