I'll never see him or touch him

I met my deceased friend on a website. At first I thought we would just chat for a few days and then he would be gone. But fortunately those days became weeks, then months and then a year and a half. We used to chat almost every day. He used to tell me about his family, his life, his dreams and we had so many plans together.
We even dream about meeting in person since we lived in different countries. We imagined how travels, we even talked about getting married and starting a family.

He helped when I was lonely, made me laugh, challenged my views, made me feel that I could love and that I could be loved. He was very special to me.

The last time we talked he told me he was at the hospital receiving oxygen. I thought something was wrong but I wanted to believe that he would be okay. After a couple of days I messaged him again and I got no response. I assumed he was just recovering at home and couldn't talk. Then I texted him again and still no reply. He wasn't the kind of person who takes time to reply, he was quick. Hence my suspicion. On his birthday this August I sent him a happy birthday message which will never be open nor seen. So I decided to Google him and I found out his obituary. I couldn't believe my eyes!

Yesterday I couldn't sleep, I'm having trouble sleeping and I'm feeling strange. I hate feeling this way and I know he wouldn't like to see me in this state. Unfortunately I can't help it. I want to honor him and remembering him for the impact he had in my life, for the great person he was but I can't help thinking about the last chat we had. His last post in social media was a cry for help and I'll never be able to forget that.
He wanted to live, he wanted to love but life was unfair to him. There's a part of me who died with him and I'll never have the chance of saying goodbye. He was gone too soon.

 

I guess there is a part in all of us that dies when a loved one dies. As far as saying goodbye, who really gets a chance to say say goodbye to the person themselves? I had a friend who was terminal and I could never bring myself to really say goodbye to her at the hospital

 

I'm sorry for your loss. I agree with you, a part of me died with him. Some people have that chance, I believe his parents were with him in the moment he died. I still got his messages and I can't stop thinking about what I could say or do for him.

 

At least, he was not alone. The first thing I asked when I was told she passed was "was someone with her?: and they said her brother but all the way to the end, My friend and I kept hoping, even while we discussed hospice. Also in those situations, the patient is pretty much so medicated, they are not really themselves

 

That's a good perspective. He loved his parents and they were with him all the time and he was also living with them. I hope he didn't suffer and that he went in peace. He believed in God, so if heaven exists I hope he's there now looking after me.