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I lost too many too soon...

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Stardust1964, Mar 10, 2020.

  1. Stardust1964

    Stardust1964 New Member

    Oh where to start, I was married to my first husband for 5 yrs,and we were on our way to the Beach for Bike Week in Datona Florida. We were all in cars towing motorcycles, when the "boys" our men decided they would "ride" the rest of the way, when we stopped for gas, I get a phone call stating " your husband and your brother have been in aweful accident, I was riding with my sister in law and I threw her the phone,and opened the car door and proceeded to throwing up,my sister in law said she didn't know what exactly to say to me because they had told her .. my husband had took his last breath.. we flew to the hospital where they were both taken to ,and they wouldn't let me see him as they got him out of the ambulance. They nurses would come out every now and then to let us know how things were going, they would speak of my Brother and his condition, but would look d only pat me on the shoulder,not mentioning my husband, to make a horrible story shorter, he was in a Coma for 5 months , having a Major Brain Injury, and after 3 yrs in rehab facilities, we realized he would never get much better, so I took him home and took care of him for about 5 yrs. He began to get Violent, which was one of the symptoms of the Brain injury to the point of "Breaking Down" for me, I had to contact his Sisters that lived 700 miles away to come get him ,that there was nothing else I could do, so they had him moved to where they resisted, and couldn't take care of him either, he needed 24 hr.care on another level. So he spent about 5 more yrs in a facility, with his Sisters. I had divorced him and then "not looking or even thinking about anyone else" feeling guilty I had to ask his family's help and still to this day I feel horrible that I couldn't take care of him forever, but depression and anxiety took over and dealing with his dementia, and violent outbursts, took a tole on me.
    Then I was at the store one day and meant an awesome Man ,who made me whole again, after many yrs of support and counseling, we became very close was together for about12 yrs when because of other circumstances we couldn't get married, about 18 months ago he popped the question, and I said yes, we got married and started our new lives together, everything moving in the direction we wanted to,he landed a awesome job he was so excited to get ,and 5 months down the road ,he came in December 22@ about 7pm he played on his stomach on the floor , which was extremely out of character for him,he loved to joke around with me and I thought that's what was possibly going on ,wasn't sure but possible, then after about 5 minutes I get up ,thinking he's too quiet, go over and touch him and talk to him and then shake him and nothing his lips were blue, I thought he was having a heart attack, omg so I call 911 and I'm a basket case to say the least but I try to do CPR on him until EMS gets there and it took them at least 15-20 we live up in the mountains, so its alot further than the city,they try to bring him back and for over an hour they finally get a heart beat ,I knew he had to be brain dead after all that time without oxygen... we go to hospital and dr. tests every thing finally gives him a CT scan which showed he had a Brain Aneurism, and was probably born with it. What a tragedy, I lost him he was my night in shining armor..then about 9 months later I get a phone call, my first husband died that morning of heart complications, I've been having a really bad time trying to go on with what's happened, I feel that I have no reason to go on mist of the time, I'm all alone, and a few months after this my oldest Son just up and leaves his home, his son his wife and his brother and myself, what an aweful tragedy is losing your son hes not dead st least that I know of, but I can't handle all of these losses ,I've been dreaming of them for a couple of months now, aweful dreams, to the point of I don't want to fall asleep, its just tragic.... I would really love to talk with people that are going through losses like myself,maybe we can help each other...
     
  2. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    Stardust I'm not sure how to respond to your story, I can't imagine being in your shoes. I can only hope that the experiences you've had thrown upon you will allow the knowledge that life does go on and we are capable of finding our way through this nightmare. I've read many very sad stories on this site over the last couple of months as I work through the grief of losing my wife, it's unfathomable what people are having to endure ! I will be thinking of you and hoping that you can somehow once again find the strength to get learn to live with another tragedy. Dan
     
    David Hughes likes this.
  3. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Stardust1964,

    Having to experience losses in our lives is an experience that is amazingly hard to get past in life. I too have watched time and events take many people in my lives who meant the world to me. I don’t wish to make you feel worse by telling of all my losses, just know that each changed my life and how I moved forward after a loss.

    Sometime words lack the depth of loss, they don’t show others how we are feeling deep inside. We search for answers, others try to help, but sometimes we unfortunately have to admit that in life things happen, and sometimes there are no adequate answers to quiet our troubled heart and mind.

    Of course the most personal death was my wife of 42 years, who I had known for over half my life and almost half a century. Cancer had slowly taken her for over ten years. She was on the transplant list for a liver multiple times, and eventually the cancer won the battle and she was taken off.

    As my two sons and me spent many sleepless nights, your thoughts run the gamut from despair to hopelessness. The saving grace for us was her last older sister, and one of her nieces.

    They came to be with her during the last 6 weeks of her life. They lifted our spirits, they also were seeing the one who meant so much for them slowly getting ready to pass on. You see Linda, her sister was her last sibling, her two brothers and one sister had preceded Nadine my wife.

    Now I want to give you hope for tomorrow. When I came to this forum I was finally able to open up how I felt inside. I wrote to others here and talked with them of their losses, and I kept expressing my sorrow for how I felt as well. As time went on and I listened to others who were hurting I felt better each day.

    At some point I could face the totality of all my losses and move forward in life without wanting to give up on life. My sons and me are now able to face tomorrow with a gentle peace in our hearts.

    I have been here 6 months, and my outlook is now excellent on life. You could say I have been cured by the love of others on this forum who have guided me forward with my life. It just takes time and a willingness on your part to keep opening up, and never give up on life or yourself.

    I won’t kid you. It will be hard. Your sorrow will seem unending. But life has a way of bringing us back from the precipice of despair if you will just let time take its course.

    I hope that you will take faith in yourself. Keep talking. Keep posting and never feel like you are alone. You are no longer alone. You are among others who have suffered. Peace be with you tonight.

    david

    I hope you like this song I have found for you.

     
    Bogman likes this.