My wife of 40 years died this past February. My heart is broken I was a caregiver our lives revolved around the various illnesses that she had. I have terrible memories when she was in the hospital. I constantly could see her frightened face. She was a fighter and she wanted to beat it again.My heart just melted. She was 69 years old and died from non-small cell lung cancer and heart failure. We had been through a lot together. So all I have left is my adult son who lives in another state and is married. I am 66 years old retired and live alone with my black cat. I do see a grief therapist, which is helpful.She told me that I will be grieving till the day I die. I just have to learn how to survive with it. She died eight months ago and it still seems unreal.
Dear Sandman, My sincere condolences, would you care to share your first name and your Beloved Mrs. My name is Patti, husband name Jack it will be 8 yrs. Nov 7 God called my husband to be with HIM. I don’t get on line often anymore, please know it take time traveling this journey, it was a Blessing to find this site, no one can understand our loss unless they have themself. Sandman it’s so very recent, please take care of yourself, eating, is so important , being outdoors in fresh air, long walks. It took me many years to remember our life prior to his fall , nine years. we were 61 yrs, married prior to his fall, I cared for Jack full time, he was dx’d at age 57. 24 yrs PD. I wish there was words I could say to help you, I can only ,say I felt you’re sorrow and pain lifting you in praye. It is my Faith in God providing me strength daily. Sincerely, Patti
Thank you Patti, My name is Nate. I do see a therapist for my grief. It's horrible. I don't have any family nearby except for my son who lives of state with his wife.. so I'm alone 95% of the time. Unfortunately my daughter-in-law's an asshole. Although she lost her mother but a year and a half ago. Her disrespect is incredible.. my son knows me that I don't take that crap. I've actually had three arguments with this woman it had to do with me going to their home, which is out of state. I did the first time which was a couple of months after my wife died. it could've been better. The best was the argument I had on my wife was literally dying in her hospital bed. My wife, didn't have a DNR, but she said she didn't want to live with a machine. so they just wanted to stop the intubation because the damn hospital keeps pushing for it. I had experience with this stuff and was in the healthcare world. I don't trust them I knew because of unfortunately, my experiences that people may say I don't wanna live with the machine until they're in that Situation. I of course, did what I knew was right. I spoke to several doctors that were under my wife's care and knew her for a period of years and knew of her complex condition. I also consulted with my priest because I am a Catholic. I do believe in God I also believe that only God can give and take life. The argument with my son, and his wife was very intense in the damn hospital . I want to see my wife in her bed in the ICU. She was more lucid than before. She understood what I was saying. I asked her point-blank if she wanted to fight she set up and with her little fist showed me that she wanted to fight. She was so scared. I was not thinking of myself. All I wanted was to give her a chance.. After my conversation with the doctors and and the priest I decided to let them extubate her knowing that she would not survive that. The docs want to extubate her earlier, knowing that she wouldn't survive. I wanted to take full responsibility and not my son because if I was doing something wrong, I wanted to fall on me and pay the price. Once they extubated her she deteriorated quickly. I was the last one to say goodbye to her. I gave her a kiss, said a few words, and she literally took her last breath. we were together for 42 years and married 40 years. then life got worse. I was getting death threats by phone and messages. the messages were very graphic and had also included my families, names, and addresses. it was an extortion scam. The ghost extort me out of thousands of dollars because as I understand it I wasted the time of this person/Persons call girls. I had no idea what they were talking about. it was so out of the blue and stupid, but they got very aggressive. I researched it online discovered it is a scam that they do to people and eventually get money. I reported it to the FBI and the police. of course they couldn't do anything. I never paid the money, but I did load my 12 gauge pistol shotgun, just in case. my son and his wife, wrote it off as a hoax and didn't pay much attention. But they didn't understand that I was in a very vulnerable state and it was pretty terrifying. They thought I was overreacting. I was told by my therapist that recent widows and widowers are typically targets of scams because of our vulnerability. as far-fetched as the scam was I knew people have been murdered for just a few bucks in their pocket. so anything is possible. to top it off I drank heavily made a stupid decision drove drunk. I totaled my car in an accident. Fortunately, nobody was hurt. I was arrested and spent the night in jail for a DUI charge. Since I was a first offender I am in this program, but once completed, which will be soon my case will be expunged at my next court date in July 2025. Needless to say I haven't touched the drop since that day. It was the easiest thing to do.. I need to find a purpose again because I don't have one anymore. I was a caregiver for my wife as well. Fortunately I resumed praying the rosary every day and finally feel the holy connection with God. again thank you for your thoughts. I know that I will grieve till the day I die, and just have to find a way to live with it. I cry a lot. the last thing is and this is true. every night at 8:05 PM. Alexa plays ringing sleighbells. I never program that because it didn't make sense. that was the exact time that my wife died. I don't believe she's contacting me. But I do find comfort in it.
