Its almost been two months since losing my dad . First month was horrible , i just locked myself away mentally , had a few days where i just couldnt hold the tears in, but i was too distracted on having to handle everything i didnt take my time to really accept everything , i mean of course i knew i just lost my dad but its like i have to do all these things , meet with all these people about him and its reminding and distracting me at the same time , fastforward to now being back home in my own house [i stayed with my stepmom and little sister throughout the funeral and business arrangements ] but now that im settle back home after almost two month away and its UGH . one minute im fine , most days im numb , i get agitated quickly , i never want to talk on the phone , i dislike when people tell me "hes in a better place" or things of that nature , i mean we come from a spiritual family , i just know thats common to say and im just frankly tired of hearing it . Sorry , if thats harsh. I went from not sleeping for days to sleeping whenever possible , im detached but i just dont want to spread my sad energies and people are saying im pushing them away and im not but its just everything actually hit me , now that everything is over everything is settled and im just getting back settling into my own home again and it feels like i just took my loss . I have the time now to actually grieve with no distraction , and nobody seems to understand where im coming from or why now 2 months later im still crying or im becoming distant . I miss him . Im sorry if it feels like i cant get over it , i cant . But i can accept it but its just feeling real new all over and i just need time i guess idk. *sigh *
Hi Carlise - I'm so sorry you lost your dad. I lost my mom unexpectedly a month ago and everything you said is so familiar to me. The first two weeks away from home with family and cleaning out my mom's apartment and all that was hard but at least I was busy. Since getting back home I am struggling. You said "its just feeling real new all over" and I feel the same way. It is like it keeps happening over and over. It helped me to read what you wrote and know I'm not alone.
Carlise, thanks for checking in to let us know how you're doing. I think one of the great challenges in grief is that as time passes and the reality of loss is just starting to sink in, the people around us expect us to be moving on. How sad that only 2 months after the loss of a father anyone could be made to feel that there's something wrong because they're "still" grieving. Two months is nothing when compared to a lifetime with a person we've loved and lost. We can't possibly know how to live just yet without this very important person here. It takes time. Lots of time...so much more time then we or other people think, and the greatest gift you can give yourself is patience with yourself and this process, and forgiveness to the people who don't or just can't understand. Keep in touch, know that we're here to help and remember to take time for yourself in the days ahead...
I'm Sorry About The Loss Of Your Mom And Im Glad I Could Help If Even A Little , It Is Also Comforting To Know Im Not Alone In Feeling What I Feel .
Thats exactly it , they dont understand that i lost the biggest part of me , it has been just been me and my dad my whole life , he was a single parent , wherever he was , whatever he did , i was right there , my loss was sudden , there was no time to say goodbyes it was something i knew was coming , i went from having him EVERYDAY to never again in a matter of moments , im grieving mutiple losses of a father, friend , cheerleader , my personal diary , my go to for wisdom, and for strength , ive had my hero for 27 years , 2 months is not nearly enough time to accept all this . I know eventually ill adjust to him not being here , but its not now and im scared that ill push everyone away because they arent understanding all this.
