I feel fine then it hits me like a ton of bricks

I lost my grandma May 12, 2021. She was my best friend. I could go to her and tell her anything and she was basically all the family I had. My parents and siblings (other than my sister occasionally) don’t talk to me so now I’m all alone. I don’t know how to go thru life without her. She was always my go to person my whole life. I watched from afar (she lived in AZ, I live in OH) as she fought cancer for 2 years. Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. She beat that then at the beginning of this year it came back in her brain and there wasn’t anything they could do. I know she’s in a better place now and not in pain anymore. I’ll be fine for a few days or couple weeks then it all hits me again. She wasn’t here this year to tell me or my kids happy birthday. She’s not going to be here when I graduate nursing school in December. She’s not going to be here when I pass my boards. I need her and she’s not here. I have no one to talk to about it either. I’m all alone dealing with this and I don’t know how.

 

Hello my dear girl. You are so young to be all alone; however, we are here for you. There are a lot of caring people on this site and you will be able to speak your feelings without fear of being criticized. Your loss is very recent so your grief is going to be strong for awhile.
Have you thought of also writing your thoughts in a journal or a scrapbook? It could be a place to tell your grandma all the good things that are taking place in your life. You could even attach some pictures in the book. Maybe this way you wouldn't feel totally detached from her.
We love and care about you. Keep sharing your thoughts as you feel lead to do so. It will be good for you and will help you to keep going.
You are going to be in a good position to help people after you graduate, and you will really understand how people feel when they experiece a loss of a loved one. I know you are going to be a great help to many people. God is going to use you in ways you can't forsee right now. Ask Him for direction and guidance in your life and He will show you how to function now that your grandma is gone and He will help your lonliness. He is an "ever present help in the time of trouble."
Chris

 

A journal is a good idea thank you! I’m going to try that

 

You are welcome! Let me know if it helps any when you get a chance.

 

I understand that feeling. My Mom was my go to person. And she would always show up if I needed her. I don't have anyone like that anymore. My husband is amazing and supportive. My good friends have even been distant But it's not her and that's all I want. My therapist recommended this so I'm giving it a shot.
You are not alone in your pain.

 

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I too lost my Gram in April of this year and it has been pure hell. For a bit, I cried nearly all day every day. Then within the past week, it subsided but then hits me out of nowhere. I'll be starting nursing school next month and my Gram is the reason I decided to go into this field. You arent alone, dont hesitate to ever reach out if you need to.

 

I am sorry for the loss of your Gram.
We sure can use another good nurse

 

Sorry for your losses. I lost my grandma most recently and man its rough. But she was older and wanted to be with her husband again. She lived a good long life. I never thought of being older than my sibling. Never she was always older until 3 yrs ago. I caught up. Really hard losing her. Few seem to get it. May some meditations or this site or something help...music...so far I've found even praying and listening to God..there is no silver bullet to having them back and all comforted cozy again. I guess the closest I can describe is imagine you make a beautifully perfect bed...clean sheets lovely blankets then somebody dumps a bunch of paint on it. then time passes and it starts to dry. you wash it clean it wipe it but you only have a gallon of water to clean it up with...so you do your best then time passes and people walk by your bed and say shouldn't it be all better now, i mean, you had water to clean it..what is up with you...that would about describe why its taking YEARS so far getting over my sister...she keeps not coming back and...well...my heart is just sad...so hope you're better at this grief thing than i am............!!!!!!!! love from oregon.

 

Lost my wife 6 months ago to congestive heart failure, I think about her everyday, I miss her so much, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I work, come home just sit here and miss her, she was everything to me, my world has been turned upside down, I guess I'm supposed to move on but I don't know how, still miss her badley

 

I feel that deep loss of someone who was your go to. My husband was my everything, my best friend, confidante, and my own personal google! lol. Anytime I wanted to know something or wanted to know how to do something, he was the one I went to! Honestly that was probably the worst part of loosing him in the first couple months. I distinctly remember the first time I thought to myself, oh....I need to ask Matt..........Then the realization hit. I can't ask him. I'll never be able to ask him anything....ever again. I broke down, a sobbing, hysterical mess. I just sat right down on the couch hugging myself, rocking back and forth until I had no tears left. Such a little thing really. I've found those are the worst ones though. The small things that catch you off guard, when you're not expecting it. A smell or sound, or finding something that belonged to them in a weird place. For me it's only been eight months, everyone keeps telling me it gets better....easier. For me it's been like driving down a hill covered terrain, consistent ups and downs. Just when I think it's getting easier something comes along and it's like I'm right back at the beginning! My biggest take away has been to learn how to be patient with myself. That it's ok to take two steps back sometimes. Everyone goes through the process in their own way and there is no wrong or right way! I often feel that "I don't know how to do this" feeling. But you do, it's inside you, it's her voice in your head telling you to be strong. Because that is what they would want. And I personally still talk to him! Tell him about my achievements, about my follies, my goals and I thank him for giving me the strength I need to keep going. I know what it feels like to be doing this alone, but we're not. Not really! They are there with us, always. Stay strong sweetheart, use her strength to bolster your own.

​

 

Tim, I'm so very sorry about the death of your wife. I just replied to you, under the
heading, " Sudden loss of spouse". I won't
repeat my reply to you, except to say
that my wife, Linda, died suddenly, in
front of me, from a pulmonary embolism.
She was 68. We were married 25 years,
no children. That was 3 years ago. Lou

 

Chris, I am so sorry about the death of
your son. You are a true leader of Grief in
Common ( GIC), who has been on here for
a while, comforting members with their
grief. I've been on this wonderful, kind
site for only 4 months, but my wife, Linda,
died suddenly on front of me, at 68, right
before Thanksgiving, 3 years ago. Thank
you for reaching out to Amber Grace, as
many of us have. I only hope she sees our
love and support, and stays with us. My
name is Lou.

 

Hi, Lou
Thank you for your kind words. They are comforting to me.
I am very sorry about your loss of your wife. This time of year must be especially hard for you.
I hope you also continue on this site. I am sure you have helped many by sharing your feelings.
May God comfort you.
Chris

 

Chris, thank you so much for answering me with your kind words about Linda. I
woke up at my usual time, at 6:30am, and
was pleasantly surprised to see your reply.
There have been 5 widows and 2 other
widowers on Grief in Common (GIC), who
havegiven each other comfort every day,
but we always reach out to new members.
But, there are some, like you, who have
been here before, and have come back
again to help others. One of my
disappointments on this site, is when we
pour our hearts out to welcome someone,
and that person disappears, I try not to
take it personally, but I can be over
sensitive. Case in point is Amber Grace, 40,from Texas. Her husband, Matt, died
suddenly in front of her, from a pulmonary
embolism, just like Linda did, in front of
me.I'm old enough to be Amber's father ,
but grief is grief. What I need to remember
is the advice of Tom Zuba, in Permission
to Mourn. His wife and 2 young children
died from different illnesses. He said to
try to take NOTHING personally. I've
recommended this book to my friends on
GIC and they love the book. Lou

 

Have a blessed day

 

I lost my husband 4 years, after a two year battle with cancer. I thought I was doing okay, then this Covid crap happened. Socially distancing does not help people who are grieving. I miss Dave every day. Some days are fine, but then something minor reminds me of him and there I go down the rabbit hole. I guess the worst is not having anyone to talk to at the end of the day. The loneliness is the worst. It took me this long to find this site.

 

Thank you to all of you that have posted, I have found all your posts very helpful. My sister passed away peacefully 8n a local hospice on December 17th 2023, myself and my neice were with my sister continually, all the staff were amazing. my father passed in 2002 and my mother in 2012. This is very recent and early days. Its lovely to connect with you all. And to know that none of us are going through this alone, and that we are able to give support to each other. I found my mums death very hard, it was very sudden. There was only me and my,sister, I am 53. I feel all over the place at times and still can't believe I won't see or talk to her again. She had been ill for 5 years with various medical conditions. But had been extremely unwell for the last year, with many lengthy hospital admissions. She was diagnosed with grade 4, highly advanced uterine cancer in July 2023, she deteriorated rapidly. And she was in a lot of pain. I am glad she is out of pain know. My life centred around her, I was very involved in her care and supported her with financial, medical and social issues. I put my own life on hold, and I would do it again. This time was precious, I worry about my neice she is 24, both her and my sister rarely talked about there feelings. I feel I repeat myself to people, when I say I'm struggling and finding it very difficult. I am finding it hard to look forward to things. But I am definitely having brighter moments. And not thinking about my sister all the time. Thank you all

 

I realise, I may have replied on the wrong post, buti can definitely relate to having periods of feeling okay, even if they are short. I feel this is fine as it's very early days. And then hits me, maybe a task I have to do, a thought or a memory, realising something won't happen, or won't happen again. Feeling cheated for my sister my neice and myself. Worrying about going back to work, will it be too soon, I'm a palliative care nurse, I have been nursing for a long time, but it is very different when you are a family member, even when you have knowledge and experience. will I be ready, will I cope, being on half pay now, financial issues, it's only money, although needed for bills etc. Work and my doctor have been very supportive. But i know we all have various issues going on. Thank you all again. Its definitely good to talk about things, write them. I have in the past kept a journal, I feel this would help me again.I normally like to be active and busy, have a list of things to do. I also feel burned out physically and emotionally, like I have hit a wall. It is often difficult to get up, get motivated and do things. And to talk to and inform people about my sister. I often use emails and texts, it's easier than phoning or face to face, and it gives me a record. Sorry for the long post and wandering off the topic. I beat myself up at times if I feel I haven't done enough, or feel I could of done more. I know I need to be kindle to myself and prioritise what's important. And what can wait