It took about 5-6 years before I was coerced by “ friends” who thought it was time. I went in 2 dates and in retrospect, it was 2 to many. It was actually quite funny and the first date asked me if I wanted to go away for a weekend to a nudist resort. I declined and he asked if I was ashamed of my body and didn’t want others to look at it . Why no , I replied that I wasn’t interested in seeing anyone close to my age without the benefit of camouflage. The second date talked only about himself and showed zero interest in my life, Bye-Bye! I am social and I should try again. No one likes loneliness.
I wouldn't rush it. You will know when the time is right. Your loved one would not want you to be lonely, unhappy, and without purpose. You will feel when is right after you grieve. I recommend grief support groups. I found a few in my area. Grief share, hospitals, some hospices etc have grief support. I also used a therapist for a while. I will share what I posted in another post. My wife passed away in August of 2025 from stage 4 ovarian cancer. It snuck up on her and took her in very short time. She was my friend, my soulmate, my lover, and my everything. 38 years of marriage and her helping me to be a better person. In December 2025, my mom passed away, and in March 2026 I lost my mother-in-law. It's been an incredibly hard last 8 months. It's hard to say that it gets better it just gets different. You slowly heal but it takes time. Things will never be the same , it will be different and sometimes difficult. Your loved ones would want you to continue on. To try to make a difference and help people. That is what my wife taught and even after her passing continues to teach me as the challenges pile up. I found a poem by an unknown author that sums it up. It didn’t kill me, but something changed, A piece of me lost, forever estranged. I walked away, yet not the same, A shadowed soul, a quiet flame. That day took part of who I was, Left me searching, without cause. I carry on, but feel the void, A heart once whole, now destroyed. It didn’t end me, but I’m not whole— An echo remains, deep in my soul. I’m here, I breathe, but truth denied— A part of me, that day, quietly died. Author Unknown Just know there are a lot of us that have been through these unfair and difficult times. Part of the healing process is to help others going through the pain. Just know there are a lot of us out there that know what you are going through. And you have our thoughts and prayers.
Thank you so much for your response & concern. I'm absolutely not able to even THINK ABOUT being with anyone else! I'm still emotionally paralyzed by his death! I was just curious... I know it's unique to each individual but I feel like I'm making progress ( whatever that means!) and then I have huge setbacks.
Yes, I thought I made a lot of progress as well, I found a purpose, and then the roller coaster happened and then it went full circle back. It will have ups and downs. I use humor and sarcasm sometimes to cope. Making someone else laugh makes me happy. I used to make my wife laugh a lot. She said laughter cures everything. It still makes me sad I couldn't cure her with it. So just keep moving forward, some days ti feels like two steps forward and one back, however then I try to take 4 steps forward. You are very right. It is 100% unique to each individual in this journey . It is kind of like a journey where you know your destination, then the road suddenly forks and suddenly takes a different direction. You will still eventually get to your destination but it will be different and not the way it was. I wish you luck on your journey .
My wife died a month and a day ago after fighting cancer for two months short of 20 years. It was a long, hard fight and she is the most amazing and strongest person I will ever now. Her initial diagnosis was that she had a 20% chance of living 5 years, but we had three young girls and she just said no, that was not going to happen. She fought the thing in ways that no one could believe and was able to be here to see all three of our girls get married and the birth of 5 grandchildren. When her body just couldn't fight anymore, even though her mind, will and spirit weren't ready to leave, the cancer one. I've always felt I'd been preparing for this time for almost 20 years, and while I'm heartbroken and cry darn near all of the time because my person, the person I've been with and made every important decision with since we were teenagers isn't here anymore, I'm feeling a strange sense that I should start to figure out what companionship in my life now means. I haven't had a first date since 1982 and don't want others (especially our children) to think I'm good with how things are and just moving on, but part of me thinks I need to being to figure out how to do that.
