How do I start all over again?

Discussion in 'LGBTQ Loss' started by Lambchop, Nov 10, 2020.

  1. Lambchop

    Lambchop New Member

    This is my first post, please be patient with me. I lost my partner, my love of 18 yrs in May of this year. He died of complication from Covid. He spent 20 days in the hospital, all but one day sedated. I spent those days in a fog waiting for the phone to ring with updates. Talk about a roller coaster, some days a glimmer of hope, other days not wanting to accept the reality he wasn't getting better, he was getting worse. The call came from the kind doctor at 3am. He said if we could get to the hospital, he would get us in to say our goodbyes. One of his sisters and I were the first to arrive. As we got suited up the doctor explained how bad things were. All his organs were failing. I will be forever grateful to that doctor for giving us that time to be with my sweet Pumpkin pie. I have to believe he could hear us, that he could feel us squeeze his hand, caress his face one more time.
    I was planning on retiring in about a year from a job that has become so difficult to do. I couldn't wait to get back to work just for the distraction. I am so blessed to have the support of my work family. They have been so awesome in so many ways. My boss even sang at the graveside service.
    Well this is the beginning of my story. It was tough getting this into words, I hope to add more at some point, but for now the emotions are running high. Thank you everyone for listening and sharing.
    ShellieWannatelli likes this.
  2. DougM

    DougM Member

    My deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved partner. I am able to empathize with your experience in so many ways. My partner, Allan, and the love of my life passed away December 8, 2020 under very similar circumstances. The roller coaster you mention is still so vivid in my mind. We were together almost thirty-one years. I feel like I am just existing not living. As it is approaching one year, I miss him as much today as the day he left me. My heart is broken. I would like to share about our grief in order that we may be able to support and help one another with our emptiness if you would like.
    Take good care of yourself.
  3. Jay mc

    Jay mc New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 27 years to cancer. he was in hospice during covid, and i couldnt get in to see him. I know how it is...your sad all the time and feel like you're on the verge of tears. It is so important to talk about it with people who understand. I want two things: to laugh again, and to have a decent night's sleep. I wish you the same.
    DougM likes this.