How 2 Years Suddenly Feels Like A Lifetime

Discussion in 'Loss of Both Parents' started by kcmsmith, Nov 20, 2018.

  1. kcmsmith

    kcmsmith New Member

    I'm not really sure how this works, but if you're reading this... hello, I'm Kasey.
    2 years ago, I lost my dad. He had moved back in with my mom after nearly 20 years of being divorced. My parents stayed best friends and took care of each other after I got married. My dad and I were very close, and he and my mom were very close. When he died from a short battle with cancer, I didn't think it could get any worse. My mom and I grieved together and saw each other through some of the worst moments of dad's illness and death. We remained very close, and I don't know what I would have done without her.
    Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. I had spoken to my mom earlier in the day making plans to spend the following day together so I knew I was feeling better after a cold. She was fine. I went into the city to see a movie with some friends and my life changed forever. I received a call from my mom's best friend saying I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible, my mom was being worked on in the emergency room. She didn't know what was happening, and no one would tell me over the phone.
    The usually quick 35 minute drive seemed to take forever. When I was told to call my brother, I knew something was wrong. When I arrived at the hospital, I knew it was bad, because I wasn't immediately taken to my mom. I was shuffled into a tiny room with bright lights that smelled like rubbing alcohol and told that my mom was gone. They couldn't save her. I remember saying over and over she wasn't even sick. They called it an aortic dissection. It was quick, she wasn't in pain, neither of those things were comforting. I had no warning, I didn't know that my last "I love you" on the phone with my mom was my LAST one.
    All of a sudden, I'm nearly 27, with no parents. I lost them almost exactly 2 years apart.
    I always said it seemed like it had been forever since I had hugged my dad, even though it had only been 2 years. Now, it feels like it's been forever since I hugged my mom, since she told me she loved me.
    I don't even know where to go from here. Everyone else seems to be fine, but I feel empty. My mom was my best friend. We went through a lot together. She was my biggest cheerleader, she was my biggest supporter in all that I did, and suddenly she's not here anymore.
    I'm having to clean out her home, our first home where we felt safe after 14 years of emotional abuse by my former stepfather, and all of the memories I have keep flooding in. Even though they may have been weeks before she died, it felt like all of those memories were a lifetime ago.
    How do I go on from this? I don't know. This is a place I never thought I would be in.
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your losses. Whether someone goes suddenly or after a long illness, the pain is still there. I lost my mother suddenly in May. There were no warning signs - just complaints of being tired the day before. The next morning, she was gone. I have no great words of wisdom for you, but I hope you find this site helpful - even if just to vent.