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Hating this existence!

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Monique Shoff, Oct 6, 2018.

  1. Monique Shoff

    Monique Shoff New Member

    My husband died just under four weeks ago on September 10th, 2018. He was ill with prostate cancer and lung cancer from Agent Orange in Vietnam. He and I were married for 14 wonderful years. I miss him so badly! We were soulmates. We were one of those couples that did everything together. We would always hold hands when we were out somewhere. I’m so lost without him. Nothing means anything anymore. Everything has changed. My eating habits changed, my sleeping habits changed, the way I think about this existence has changed. I don’t want to be here without him! I know he’s doing ok in the afterlife but I want to join him so badly. I’m not going to do anything stupid because I feel that if I committed suicide that I wouldn’t get to be with him, but I really hate this existence without him. It’s so surreal. When I lost my husband, I apparently lost all of our friends and most of the family. I don’t know why that happens. You would think death was contagious. I’m so lonely for him. I’ve just lost my zest for life and I hate that.
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Monique, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I think that's what so many people don't understand...the pain that comes with this loss that we never asked for, and the way it seeps into every part of our life.
    It's true...people do seem to run in the other direction and it can be so hurtful when it's times like these when we need support most. Trying to make sense of loss is hard: the impact it has on our lives, ourselves, and our relationships.
    We've addressed so much of this in our blogs and I've included a few here, that I'm hoping can be a help:
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/your-grief-is-terrifying-to-those-around-you/
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/loss-of-a-spouse-5-things-only-a-widow-understands/
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/why-grief-is-so-hard-lasts-so-long/
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/allowing-grief-to-run-its-course/
    I'm glad you've joined us and that you're reaching out for help. It really can make all the difference. We're here to help...please let me know if there is anything you need~
     
    Brian'sMomma and Kerry McKendall like this.
  3. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your husband. Everyone seems to be there right after a loss, but then most disappear after that. It was the same when I lost my mother. I hope you can find some help being here.
     
  4. Monique Shoff

    Monique Shoff New Member

    Thank you all for making me feel welcome. Today was exactly one month since my husband died. It’s been a hard day.
     
    griefic likes this.
  5. Theresevaughn

    Theresevaughn Member

    I'mso very sorry. It sounds as though you’ve lost half of your spirit with your husband. I hope someday this human existence will bring you peace and joy again.