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Grief gone wrong

Discussion in 'Dating Again After the Loss of a Spouse/Partner' started by Carron, May 3, 2022.

  1. Carron

    Carron New Member

    Hi
    I am new on here. I lost my husband two and half years ago, He was my everything. We were together for 26 years (I was married before, but it did not work out). I met my second husband a while after my divorce, and I knew what it was like to be in love and be loved. We had a brilliant, loving relationship. Then I lost him. For the first year I was numb and I dont think I accepted it had really happened. The second year was so strange and it was when my grief appeared to go so wrong. This is what happened (please don't judge me, as I hate myself for feeling like this).. I was very lonely. I loved being in a happy relationship and couldn't understand why life had done this to both of us. So, stupidly, trying to fill the emptiness, I went on line to a dating site. I scrolled through hundreds of men, no attraction, nothing! Then I saw one man who just appeared different. I 'liked' him, but no reply. So I contacted him, but there was little interest. But I believed that he was for me. He had the same demeanour as my late husband. We then met and I still liked him, but again he had little interest. Unfortunately and being vulnerable, the 'relationship' consisted of text messags only, that were based on a sexual content (I have never done this before). Desperate for him to want me and to e happy again, I met him again. (I told him about my loss). He only would want me for sex, he even told me this, and he would speak about his ideal woman when I was with him (the twice, or on the text).
    Eventually he did not even contact me anymore and I have been left with all these emotions that I cannot understand.
    I love and miss my ex-husband and would never have thought I could feel this strongly for someone else. But he appeared to be what I thought would make me happy. I just beleived that we 'fitted'. Now as well as grieving for my husband I now have these almost feeling of loss and grief for this other man that I hardly knew.
    I have searched to find anyione who has had this experience, but tere is no one and so I feel so ashamed.

    I have been very hurt by him to as I heard from a friend that he called me 'ugly and too fat' My self esteem is nil. I do not like myself at all. I am anxious, tearful and very low in mood. I have no confidence at all, yet I still think about him (been months since any contact) and beleive that I could have been happy with him, as he posts many nice things about findng love on his fb (I know I shouldn't read them) and I get this stupid jealousy if I think of him with anyone else. He will meet someone else as he is a nice looking man and will treat the right girl very well. But why am I feeling like this. What has happened to my normal grief. Its sometimes as I cant bring what happened to my husband and the loss of him to mind. This man always pops up in my thoughts. Why am I hurting over him. I hate myself for feeling like this. Can anyone please offere any advise as it is destroying me. Thankyou for reading.